Lesson 28 – Above all else I want to see things differently.

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

This lesson helps us to stop referencing the past entirely, to open our minds completely, and to see truly. The title could just as well be, “The Purpose of the Universe.”

When we look at the image to the left, we have already defined it in our minds.  If we withdraw everything we think we know about this table, and commit to seeing it differently, we could gain vision from this simple exercise right now.

Jesus is not messing around.  He tells us, “In using the table as a subject for applying the idea for today, you are therefore really asking to see the purpose of the universe.” and “You are asking it what it is, rather than telling it what it is.” In doing so, “You are not binding its meaning to your tiny experience of tables,  nor are you limiting its purpose to your little personal thoughts.”

So let’s try it:  “Above all else I want to see this table differently.”  Above all else I want to see this table differently.  A b o v e a l l e l s e i w a n t t o s e e t h i s t a b l e d i f f e r e n t l y . . . y l t n e r e f f i d e l b a t s i h t e e s o t t n a w i e s l e l l a e v o b a . . .

Withdrawing all ideas from the table (or anything else) leaves your mind open to “something beautiful and clean and of infinite value, full of happiness and hope.”  When above all else you really want to see things differently, God’s purpose is revealed.

LESSON 28

Above all else I want to see things differently.

Today we are really giving specific application to the idea for yesterday.  In these practice periods, you will be making a series of definite commitments.  The question of whether you will keep them in the future is not our concern here.  If you are willing at least to make them now, you have started on the way to keeping them.  And we are still at the beginning.

You may wonder why it is important to say, for example, “Above all else I want to see this table differently.”  In itself it is not important at all.  Yet what is by itself?  And what does “in itself” mean?  You see a lot of separate things about you, which really means you are not seeing at all.  You either see or not.  When you have seen one thing differently, you will see all things differently.  The light you will see in any one of them is the same light you will see in them all.

When you say, “Above all else I want to see this table differently,” you are making a commitment to withdraw your preconceived ideas about the table, and open your mind to what it is, and what it is for.  You are not defining it in past terms.  You are asking what it is, rather than telling it what it is.  You are not binding its meaning to your tiny experience of tables, nor are you limiting its purpose to your little personal thoughts.

You will not question what you have already defined.  And the purpose of these exercises is to ask questions and receive the answers.  In saying, “Above all else I want to see this table differently,” you are committing yourself to seeing.  It is not an exclusive commitment.  It is a commitment that applies to the table just as much as to anything else, neither more nor less.

You could, in fact, gain vision from just that table, if you would withdraw all your own ideas from it, and look upon it with a completely open mind.  It has something to show you; something beautiful and clean and of infinite value, full of happiness and hope.  Hidden under all your ideas about it is its real purpose, the purpose it shares with all the universe.

In using the table as a subject for applying the idea for today, you are therefore really asking to see the purpose of the universe.  You will be making this same request of each subject that you  use in the practice periods.  And you are making a commitment to each of them to let its purpose be revealed to you, instead of placing your own judgment upon it.

We will have six two-minute practice periods today, in which the idea for the day is stated first, and then applied to whatever you see about you.  Not only should the subjects be chosen randomly, but each one should be accorded equal sincerity as today’s idea is applied to it, in an attempt to acknowledge the equal value of them all in their contribution to your seeing.

As usual, the applications should include the name of the subject your eyes happen to light on, and you should rest your eyes on it while saying:

Above all else I want to see this __________ differently.

Each application should be made quite slowly, and as thoughtfully as possible.  There is no hurry.

Let’s practice together!  Watch and listen to me reading each ACIM Lesson on Youtube.  Also, check out Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Lesson 27 – Above all else I want to see.

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

It’s interesting how today’s lesson says it expresses something stronger than “mere determination.”  Lesson 20 was “I am determined to see.”  Now, we graduate to “Above all else I want to see.”  In Lesson 27, Jesus tells us that determination is not very strong at all–no surprise there, ha ha!  But although the ego tries to undermine us, be comforted by knowing that if you are practicing A Course in Miracles, grace is working with you; grace is guiding you already.

In the law of attraction the word “want” indicates lack.  But in A Course in Miracles, “want” simply means desire.  The word “above” conjures up a heavenly light beckoning.  The lesson is clearly stating the only sensible priority: before everything else, every ego concern and desire we have, there must be commitment to True Vision.  This is the only road to love, peace and joy.

We are warned that to the ego this will feel like we’re inviting loss.  So we’re given two phrases to assuage this fear:  “Vision has no cost to anyone” and “It can only bless.”  If I become afraid that on rising to Heaven (which is not about the death of the body) I’ve left behind my loved ones and they can’t get on without me, I can remind myself that no one pays a price for Vision and it blesses us all.

This kind of lesson is compatible with my nature.  I enjoy making it a mindful mantra.  “Above all else I want to see.  Above all else I want to see.  Above all else I want to see. Aummmmmmmmmmm.”  It was in my sleep with me last night.  The words jumbled around (“Beyond all things I want to see”) but the meaning was retained–specific words don’t matter when we are sincere and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and work within us.

LESSON 27

Above all else I want to see.

Today’s idea expresses something stronger than mere determination.  It gives vision priority among your desires.  You may feel hesitant about using the idea, on the grounds that you are not sure you really mean it.  This does not matter.  The purpose of today’s exercises is to bring the time when the idea will be wholly true a little nearer.

There may be a great temptation to believe that some sort of sacrifice is being asked of you when you say you want to see above all else.  If you become uneasy about the lack of reservation involved, add:

Vision has no cost to anyone.

If fear of loss still persists, add further:

It can only bless.

The idea for today needs many repetitions for maximum benefit.  It should be used at least every half hour, and more if possible.  You might try for every fifteen or twenty minutes.  It is recommended that you set a definite time interval for using the idea when you wake or shortly afterwards, and attempt to adhere to it throughout the day.  It will not be difficult to do this, even if you are engaged in conversation, or otherwise occupied at the time.  You can still repeat one short sentence to yourself without disturbing anything.

The real question is, how often will you remember?  How much do you want today’s idea to be true?  Answer one of these questions, and you have answered the other.  You will probably miss several applications, and perhaps quite a number.  Do not be disturbed by this, but do try to keep on your schedule from then on.  If only once during the day you feel that you were perfectly sincere while you were repeating today’s idea, you can be sure that you have saved yourself many years of effort.

Let’s practice together!  Watch and listen to me reading each ACIM Lesson on Youtube.  Also, check out Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Lesson 22 – What I see is a form of vengeance.

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

In 1998, there was great resistance to this lesson because I took it personally.  I thought Jesus was not acknowledging how far I had come in not judging people and being open-minded.

Now it is clear that Jesus is not speaking to little ego-fragment “me, Amy”, as a person.  He is simply stating that ego eyesight shows us forms and forms were made to obscure the Formless God-Self we truly are.

Forms can be transformed–the undoing process is an unforming, which these early lessons initiate.  Forms do not stop at material objects–forms begin with thought-form.

If I have attack thoughts, criticisms and judgments of myself or others, then I must see the world as vengeful.  The Course says I’ve projected my own anger out at the world and I expect revenge in return; I expect to be attacked.  Expecting attack, I lash out (and often lie to myself and say I’m being nice, or that I wouldn’t have lashed out if you hadn’t started “it”) and call it self defense.

“Why’d you have to make me do it?”

And so there is a vicious cycle of fear of attack leading to attack over and over again.  All the forms I see are a testament to my belief that I’ve separated from God and that I’m afraid I’ll be punished, so my best defense is an offensive strike.

Another way of putting it is that every form I see is a curtain I’ve drawn between myself and God.  This curtain obscures my Source so that I won’t remember God exists.  I don’t realize that I’m the dreamer dreaming an unreal dream which will end, and I with it, when “I” awaken … awakening is the opposite of condensation … a spreading back into Wholeness where All is the same One.

Jesus assures us that none of this is real; it is a savage fantasy from which we can “escape.”   There is a trans-formation process where we ask the Holy Spirit to use the forms we made for His Purpose of Love and Unification.  For a while we still see forms but from a Unifying Perspective.

We made up the whole story of the world and humanity, because we dreamed we separated from God, and we dreamed up the hatred and murder with which we live.  But actually we are seeing “only the perishable,” “nothing that will last,” because what we see is not real–what we see is a form of vengeance.  Vengeance can be transformed with the Holy Spirit’s Vision … to help ourselves look with Him, we ask ourselves, “Is this the world I really want to see?”

LESSON 22

What I see is a form of vengeance.

Today’s idea accurately describes the way anyone who holds attack thoughts in his mind must see the world.  Having projected his anger onto the world, he sees vengeance about to strike at him.  His own attack is thus perceived as self defense.  This becomes an increasingly vicious circle until he is willing to change how he sees.  Otherwise, thoughts of attack and counter-attack will preoccupy him and people his entire world.  What peace of mind is possible to him then?

It is from this savage fantasy that you want to escape.  Is it not joyous news to hear that it is not real?  Is it not a happy discovery to find that you can escape?  You made what you would destroy; everything that you hate and would attack and kill.  All that you fear does not exist.  Look at the world about you at least five times today, for at least a minute each time.  As your eyes move slowly from one object to another, from one body to another, say to yourself:

I see only the perishable.
I see nothing that will last.
What I see is not real.
What I see is a form of vengeance.

At the end of each practice period, ask yourself:

Is this the world I really want to see?

The answer is surely obvious.

Let’s practice together!  Watch and listen to me reading each ACIM Lesson on Youtube.  Also, check out Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Lesson 21 – I am determined to see things differently.

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

This is the lesson that tells us “a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.”

Anger is anger no matter what gradation we experience.  Most of us are very uncomfortable with anger anyway, and cannot permit ourselves to know how angry we are–the consequences of our anger are too threatening to us.

In the kind of psychotherapy work I used to do, we are invited to fully feel our emotions in the safety of the therapy room, and find out that they can run their course, be released, and we can feel relieved, re-balanced, and transformed from that process.

For example, if I allow myself to yell at someone who’s not actually there using Gestalt chairwork, and express that energy through my voice, body language, eyes, etc., then I will find out more.  I may grow angrier and feel the effects in my body: shaking hands, heat rising through my torso into my face, etc.

I may feel impotent as the person I am angry at ignores me or mocks me.  I may feel satisfied that I’ve said my piece.  I may feel frightened that I could hurt the other person, or myself through a violent gesture, or by internal bursting–a stroke or a heart attack.

Eventually, if I practice this technique and use it well, I will learn that strong feelings are energy in motion, e-motion, and that at the other side of this swell of anger is peace.  Underneath every human emotion is peace, joy and love … if we are willing to plumb the depths.  At the depth we discover our truth: we are all the same and we are just frightened that we are alone, misunderstood and deserving of punishment.

Scott told me that he learned this lesson when he was 12 years old and on a lacrosse team.  It became clear to him that if he faced his opponent down by running straight at him,  penetrating him with a look that said, “I’m going to kill you” and wielding his lacrosse stick with fury, that he would win the game.  He fully grasped in that moment that under the veils of learning lacrosse technique and back-slapping team camaraderie was simply “kill or be killed.”  And he never went back to lacrosse.  He may not have known it at the time, but he was determined to see things differently 🙂

Yesterday’s lesson, morphed into, “I will not be deterred…”  Today I feel confident that I will not be blinded by the ego because my willingness is Greater than ego objections.  Willingness adheres to the Truth, my true Will Power, my Source.  Let the ego hypnotize and swirl and makes its magic.  Magic disappears in a poof of smoke when Light pours through.  And I am able to see … things … differently.

Ramana Maharshi offers the mantra, “I am that I am.”  I am that I am clears away debris and ego darkness.  I am that I am sweeps obstructions away.  Enough I am that I am clears space for the Light.  Seems similar.

LESSON 21

I am determined to see things differently.

The idea for today is obviously a continuation and extension of the preceding one.  This time, however, specific mind-searching periods are necessary, in addition to applying the idea to particular situations as they may arise.  Five practice periods are urged, allowing a full minute for each.

In the practice periods, begin by repeating the idea to yourself.  Then close your eyes and search your mind carefully for situations past, present or anticipated that arouse anger in you.  The anger may take the form of any reaction ranging from mild irritation to rage.  The degree of the emotion you experience does not matter.  You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.

Try, therefore, not to let the “little” thoughts of anger escape you in the practice periods.  Remember that you do not really recognize what arouses anger in you, and nothing that you believe in this connection means anything.  You will probably be tempted to dwell more on some situations or persons more than others, on the fallacious grounds that they are more “obvious.”  This is not so.  It is merely an example of the belief that some forms of attack are more justified than others.

As you search your mind for all the forms in which attack thoughts present themselves, hold each one in mind while you tell yourself:

I am determined to see __________ [name of person] differently.
I am determined to see __________ [specify the situation] differently.

Try to be as specific as possible.  You may, for example, focus your anger on a particular attribute of a particular person, believing that the anger is limited to this aspect.  If your perception is suffering from this form of distortion, say:

I am determined to see _____________ [specify the attribute] in _____________ [name of person] differently.

Let’s practice together!  Watch and listen to me reading each ACIM Lesson on Youtube.  Also, check out Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Lesson 20 – I am determined to see.

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

Determination has not been my strong suit, and I’ve learned it’s because the ego’s willpower is capricious and not in my best interests.

However, it occurs to me that determination, as Jesus is using it, can be seen as “not to be deterred or detoured” and I relax into the lesson.  I will not be deterred or detoured from following (and relaxing into) the Holy Spirit’s Vision.

Grace is actually the determining factor in my life.  Grace is clearly a firm decision, which I am resolved not to change, which has already been made for me by Spirit.  The unplanned openness of this life of “mine” is a testament to That.

Lesson 20 spontaneously crystallizes for me as a line from Chapter 2 comes to mind: “You are much too tolerant of mind wandering, and are passively condoning your mind’s miscreations.”

No interest in mind wandering anymore.  Resting in God and knowing the Source of Guidance is Where I truly am, is all that is important now.  Despite that, the mind does wander. I just catch it sooner and choose the Holy Spirit, again. And again. And again.

Eleven years ago, when I practiced Lesson 20, this is what I wrote:  Jesus starts off this lesson with the word “We.”  “We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far.”  It’s as if he’s put his arm around my shoulder in a friendly way, and yet somehow I get the feeling he’s scolding me.

Maybe he’s been quite casual, but it seems to me I’ve been quite dedicated.  He’s telling me that we’ve barely done any work in practicing the lessons so far because if I felt coerced in any way I might give in to resentment and opposition and that wouldn’t be useful in the path to Oneness.

Still, I feel the effort I have put in is going unappreciated and I also have no idea how I’m going to put more discipline into the Workbook since just the word “discipline” brings up my uneasiness on whether I’ll follow through or not.

Also, Jesus is candid about his strategy to allow us to feel whatever we feel and believe whatever we believe in order that we do the exercises and be influenced by our own experience.  (This is very much what I did as a psychotherapist and a yoga teacher.  “Don’t change anything — observe and get to know yourself. Then you’ll have the ability to make real choices.”  This applies to emotions, body tension, breath constriction, and, spiritually, undoing the ego.)

He comes out and says that his approach so far has been intentional and “very carefully planned.”  Why is Jesus revealing that?  Maybe Helen needed to hear that.  Honestly, I’m having trouble fulfilling the loose schedule with minimal effort required as it is.

Well, at least it’s obvious to me that this is the voice of the ego, railing against the invitation to return Home.  Some people find these words of Jesus comforting — they are glad that Jesus understands not to expect too much of them, especially at first.

Still, a lot of annoyance is coming up for me.  All of my nitpicky perfectionistic tendencies are affronted by Jesus saying, “This is our first attempt to introduce structure.”  Up until now he’s recommended morning and evening readings of the lesson with practice periods throughout the day.  And he has expressly said not to get ritualistic about practicing the lesson.  My days have felt pretty structured around the Workbook, while not compulsive.  Don’t I get good marks for that?  Grrrrrrr.

And then the actual instructions for today’s lesson turn out to be the easiest of all.  Just repeat today’s idea, “I am determined to see” every half hour (as much as I can remember to do so).  Many Course students start setting their wristwatches at this point.  Ken Wapnick says they are missing the point — it’s a process of remembering, not following instructions to the tee. On the other hand, a reminder to practice your lesson is not a sin!

Dipping back into the lesson, we are told that we don’t have happiness and peace now because our mind is totally undisciplined.  Sigh.  I have to agree with that.  Often my mind is jumpity and squawking. It’s an ongoing process to catch this distractedness and choose again all day.  I’m no Eckhart Tolle (master of no thought).

Right now, Jesus says, we don’t even know the difference between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear.  We have them mixed up and actually mistake them for each other.  But “great indeed” will be our reward once we learn how to tell them apart.  Okay, I’m excited about the great-indeed-reward.  But why do you have to take that lofty tone?

Even with my cranky feelings about this lesson, I am still quite motivated :).  Yep, because I am determined to see.  And one thing I see right now, is that the ego is all stirred up, but I can observe it and its seeming effects of irritation and critical assessment and still be quite unmoved mentally.  Because the mind training is working nicely and my state of mind can observe my emotions with a gentle smile.

Mentally, I am determined to see.  I am committed to the undoing process the Course offers me.  I am quite pleased that Jesus is pushing me, despite his tone :).

Revisiting this lesson the next day, I want to add that I am determined to see has many possible inferences.  I AM determined to see.

I am DETERMINED to see.  I am determined to SEE.

I am determined to see (particularly ego driven).

Where I come out is a softer, more surrendered, “I am willing to see” which, for me, feels like what Jesus is asking … when I’m determined I’m too much on my own, trying too hard, making too much of a personal effort.  So this lesson has morphed from “I am determined to see” to “I am willing to see” for me.

LESSON 20

I am determined to see.

We have been quite casual about our practice periods thus far.  There has been virtually no attempt to direct the time for understanding them, minimal effort has been required, and not even active cooperation and interest have been asked.  This approach has been intentional, and very carefully planned.  We have not lost sight of the crucial importance of the reversal of your thinking.  The salvation of the world depends on it.  Yet you will not see if you regard yourself as being coerced, and if you give in to resentment and opposition.

This is our first attempt to introduce structure.  Do not misconstrue it as an effort to exert force or pressure.  You want salvation.  You want to be happy.  You want peace.  You do not have them now, because your mind is totally undisciplined, and you cannot distinguish between joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, love and fear.  You are now learning how to tell them apart.  And great indeed will be your reward.

Your decision to see is all that vision requires.  What you want is yours.  Do not mistake the little effort that is asked of you for an indication that our goal is of little worth.  Can the salvation of the world be a trivial purpose?  And can the world be saved if you are not?  God has one Son, and he is the resurrection and the life.  His will is done because all power is given him in Heaven and on earth.  In your determination to see is vision given you.

The exercises for today consist in reminding yourself throughout the day that you want to see.  Today’s idea also tacitly implies the recognition that  you do not see now.  Therefore, as you repeat the idea, you are stating that you are determined to change your present state for a better one, and one you really want.

Repeat today’s idea slowly and positively at least twice an hour today, attempting to do so every half hour.  Do not be distressed if you forget to do so, but make a real effort to remember.  The extra repetitions should be applied to any situation, person or event that upsets you.  You can see them differently, and you will.  What you desire you will see.  Such is the real law of cause and effect as it operates in the world.

Let’s practice together!  Watch and listen to me reading each ACIM Lesson on Youtube.  Also, check out Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.