Undoing the Ego

A Better Way to Say “I Miss You”

There was a time in my life when I was separated from someone I loved because he had to do military duty in Iraq.

We were able to text and send letters and occasionally we even spoke on the phone.

But even so, inevitably we said, “I miss you.”

I began to notice that “I miss you” left me feeling lonely and helpless. At first, without realizing it, I tried to block out the yearning and pining that made my heart ache and kept me up at night. Eventually I became aware that I was tensing my muscles so I wouldn’t cry. And eating all those pints of ice cream was just an attempt to stave off loneliness with sugar.

As a psychotherapist, I knew the best thing to do was to go ahead and feel my feelings without censorship. So I consciously gave myself permission to experience the physical deprivation of my boyfriend’s presence.

At first the feelings intensified, sometimes as a deep ache, other times almost unbearably stabbing … and then they would recede. The end of this cycle bore fruit. I felt relieved, my body relaxed, it became easier to sleep at night.

And then, something inside said, “Make a ‘miss’ list.” What? Again, the inside voice said, “Make a ‘miss’ list. Be specific!” There was nothing to lose, so I sat down at the computer, placed my fingers on the keyboard, closed my eyes, and out popped:

  • I miss your smile.
  • I miss your laugh.
  • I miss seeing your face.
  • I miss just driving around in the car with you.
  • I miss holding hands.
  • I miss doing your laundry.
  • I miss you running errands for me.
  • I miss sharing meals together.
  • I miss being close, being able to hug.
  • I miss bicycling together.

Strangely, it felt good to review in detail ordinary things that I loved doing together. I breathed in and out, feeling the sweetness of what we had when we were together.

The inside voice piped up again, “Now make a wish list.” And again, my response was a dull-witted, “What?”

The inner voice patiently explained, “Turn your ‘miss list’ into a ‘wish list.’” My hands understood before I did. Some speedy typing ensued and a second list now read like this:

  • I wish I could see your smiling face right now.
  • I wish I could see you burst out laughing.
  • I wish we were driving in the car right now.
  • I wish we were doing chores together.
  • I wish we were on the beach together.
  • I wish we were eating dinner in the kitchen.
  • I wish we were holding hands and could hug each other.
  • I wish we were bicycling together.
  • I had turned “miss” into “wish.”

Then inspiration struck full force and I was moved to “translate” again, this time into an “I am” list:

  • I am seeing you smiling at me right now.
  • I am hearing you laugh out loud with happiness that you’re back home.
  • I am feeling my heart expand with the pleasure your laugh gives me.
  • I am seeing us driving around in the car together, singing along to the radio.
  • I am feeling happy and there’s a smile on my face as I think about us driving and singing!
  • I am feeling close to you, heart to heart, no matter how many miles are between us.

I had gone from “I miss” to “I wish” to “I am.” When we speak in the present tense, using the words “I am,” we activate the most powerful force within us—our Spiritual Being. “I am” ignites a creative power within ourselves that is tremendously healing and nurturing.

Whenhands_making_love_heart_with_shining_light we use this technique of translation we learn to soothe ourselves and maintain connection with our loved ones, no matter where they are. A Course in Miracles tells us, “Nothing you can do can change Eternal Love.”

On a human level, we can believe that because someone is not physically with us that we are deprived of their company. But when we become aware that love is eternal, then whether someone is in front of us or seemingly distant, the love lives forever in our hearts.

So if you’re missing someone, and would like to feel whole rather than split apart, start with the genuine feeling of “I miss you” and make a list. Then translate your list into what you wish.

Next, choose to be in the present moment with “I am” sentence constructions. Stay connected with the person you miss and actually build your relationship through specific examples of what you love about being together.

This positive appreciation actually brings you closer, builds trust and intimacy, and will surprise you with how much easier it is to be parted, whether for a day, a week, or even facing a death. Love is an eternal bond which can never be broken.

Try this better way of saying, “I miss you” and let me know how it goes by leaving a comment or emailing me at miracles@amytorresacim.com

If you enjoyed this article, read Gatita Sparkles which is about how you can never lose your loved ones because death is not really real.  And you may find these articles truly helpful also: Gatita’s Metamorphosis Into The Lady, and This Is the Best Moment of Your Life.

 

 

Which Version of ACIM Is Legit?

People feel strongly about the different versions* of A Course in Miracles, about what was edited or left out. What amazes me, although I guess it shouldn’t given the divisive nature of the ego, is the lack of empathy in seeing the best in their brothers.

It should be obvious that everyone involved with the original preparation and publication of A Course in Miracles was motivated by Love.  Not human love, but the inner grace that guided them and they chose to follow.  Everyone followed the best they could.  What we see in our brother is what we see in ourself.

Vision reveals everyone is Innocent.  Of what could anyone involved in delivering A Course in Miracles be guilty?  “You have no idea of the tremendous release and deep peace that comes from meeting yourself and your brothers totally without judgment.” (T-3.VI.3:1)

Over the years, I’ve bought every version of the Course to see for myself if the differences are significant and concluded that any version of A Course in Miracles can heal the split mind.  How can that be?  Because I’m following the Author, not the editor.

“All fear comes ultimately, and sometimes by way of very devious routes, from the denial of Authorship.  The offense is never to God, but only to those who deny Him.  To deny His Authorship is to deny yourself the reason for your peace, so that you see yourself only in segments.  This strange perception is the authority problem.” (T-3.VI.10:4-7)

Jesus guides us all throughout the Course to ask, “What is the purpose?” of every decision.  He doesn’t leave us hanging.  Over and over, in various ways, he tells us, “The sole responsibility of the miracle worker is to accept the Atonement for himself.”  (T-2.V.5:1)   Atonement is waking up!  Atonement is the end of ego interference and the recognition that separation never occurred.  Forgiveness, complete non-judgment, is another way of describing meaningful purpose.

Both Atonement and forgiveness release the belief in false identity — the ego — and it is recognized that we are not bodies, we are free, for we are still as God created us: Being.  Debates and arguments are for doers.  Doers are people who want to maintain identification with the ego and avoid undifferentiated Being at all costs.

There are those who state that crucial material was left out of ACIM, without explanation. But anyone who is truly interested can read Absence from Felicity by Ken Wapnick, Journey Without Distance by Rob Skutch and Understanding A Course in Miracles by D. Patrick Miller, to name a few books that give background on the subject.  Click here to read what Gary Renard has to say.  And here for Rev Tony Ponticello’s view and his response to Gary.

But don’t get caught up in a “camp” — that’s schismatic, which is exactly what the ego wants, misses the point of ACIM entirely, and is just plain silly.  Anyway, do you want to read about A Course in Miracles, or do you want to follow the guidance of A Course in Miracles?

It seems to me that Helen Schucman became a clearer transmitter for the Voice from God as she became more comfortable with the scribing process. Personally, I have no problem with early distortions of Jesus’ Message and personal material meant for her and Bill Thetford being kept private.  We still have over 1200 pages of wisdom repeating the same idea simply because we are too deaf, dumb and blind to get it the first time!

Read the Introduction to the Text:  “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.”  Read (even better, practice) Lesson 189:  I feel the Love of God within me now.   It says, “Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God.”

Isn’t it obvious that wasting time on which version is “right” is an ego ploy? What an ironic distraction! Any Course student worth his or her salt would recognize that in a heartbeat. A Course in Miracles isn’t important! The versions aren’t important!  Read any version you prefer.  They are all part of the illusion.

The worthy thing about the Course is its Message of Generalization — we are all the Same One – and ACIM offers us the method of forgiveness for finding that out. If you have any questions, and you are a true Course student, how about bringing them to the Holy Spirit and getting the Answer you need Directly?

And remember, the Holy Spirit’s Answer is a silent Love, a still Peace, a unified Oneness. There is no specific information. Specifics and information are not of the Abstract Mind of God.

I write this to get it off my chest. I would hope we can have a respectful conversation about this subject — and about any and every subject, for that matter. Anyone who attacks, points a finger or assigns blame is totally missing the point of A Course in Miracles.   Okay, I’ve said it.  Now let’s all choose again and go Home together. Namaste.

*Different versions of ACIM include the originally published books from the Foundation for Inner Peace, the publishing arm founded by Judith Skutch; editing done by Helen Schucman and Ken Wapnick (at first there were three separate books: the Text, Workbook for Students, and Manual for Teachers; eventually they were bound under one cover), the Urtext, the original version, the sparkly edition, and now, A New Edition, compiled by Robert Perry and published by his organization, the Circle of Atonement, among others.

Happy Now Here!

“Happy Now Here!” I got that from Mooji.  Since time is an ego construct (A Course in Miracles is one of many mystical teachings that agree on that), Timelessness is our true nature.

A Course in Miracles teaches us to practice the holy instant until we string together enough miracles (which collapse time) that we reach the Atonement (complete undoing of the belief in separation).

As Course students, how do we do that?  All together now:  “By practicing forgiveness!”  Give every moment of your life to the Holy Spirit and receive the Timeless Truth about what you really are and what you truly have every single everlastin’ eternal moment!

In Chapter 15 of ACIM, The Holy Instant, Jesus tells us to “make this year different by making it all the same.”  The same Love is always available to all of us. We are that Love. What are you waiting for? The time to love, be loved and know yourself as Love is now.  here and now yin yang

Happy Now Here!
Amy

So easy to overlook the obvious, isn’t it?

inviting-hs

Have you invited the Holy Spirit to join you this holiday season?
Consciously ask Him to be your Guest, and you will find, “I need do nothing, except not to interfere.” That’s a pretty famous phrase from the Course — it’s in Chapter 16, section I, which also talks about true empathy.
Doing nothing means you “let the Holy Spirit relate through you” — luminously glowing as “you” with relatives, friends, and people you are stuck with on long lines :). Even if they are griping, you can quietly shine (as long as you don’t interfere with your Inner Guide).
It’s easier not to interfere when you place your mind in the Holy Spirit’s Hands. One way is to let your eyes softly slide back towards your brain and brain-in-hs-handsmelt sideways to your ears — sigh with relief as you feel your entire frontal lobe and skull relax … and … thoughts evaporate!  Now it’s impossible to judge the usual suspects who get on your nerves 🙂
“To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand.” True empathy gives you the strength to offer sympathy, if appropriate, while refusing to tune into the ego thought system.
True empathy is a cure for codependency and narcissism. True empathy is the power of Love flowing through you … IF you invite the Holy Spirit to use your personality and body as a conduit for Love.
Science has something new to say about empathy, which could help you commit to your spiritual practice. If you’re interested, read Self-Control Is Just Empathy with Your Future Self.  And, of course, my online class, Workin’ the Workbook, is custom-tailored to help you stick with and get the most out of your ACIM Workbook practice. If you haven’t already signed up, just click here for details and to register. ONLY through Dec 2016, the price is super-discounted.
Front cover left back cover rightAnd if you need a gift idea, I’m so thankful that people say my book, Sweet Dreams ​​​​​​​of Awakening: 365 Good Night Blessings is a beautiful gift — click here to see for yourself. One lovely woman told me she reads it aloud to her granddaughter every evening before she falls asleep.
As always, feel free to email me questions, comments, miracles. My heart sings when we connect: miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com

I appreciate you 💜

Yes, you! You are top of my gratitude list this Thanksgiving! Thank you for being my “partner-in-spirituality” 🙂  grateful-heart

The Course says we each have a unique individual curriculum, and sharing how to use the body and emotions for the Holy Spirit’s purpose is mine. Thank you for your feedback about what works and what doesn’t, your questions, your sharing of miracles, and most of all, your love.

Like Lesson 197 says, “It can be but my gratitude I earn” — when I give you love, and you give me love, we mirror the Love we really are.

Of course, Thanksgiving is a perfect time to feel gratitude and Love, and yet … being around all those family members, or not having family, finding yourself stuck in traffic, or faced with so many tempting foods, can trigger so many less-than-Loving feelings. So …

* Dreading Thanksgiving? Click on Thanksgiving Song
* Happily anticipating Thanksgiving? Click on Thanksgiving Song

Yes, I know the offering for both dread and happy anticipation is the same … think about it 😉

Press your tongue …

against the roof of your mouth, just above your teeth.

Yesterday, if you followed my instructions, you took three full breaths, beginning with an exhale. Now, let’s add an element that pulls your thoughts right out of your head. This relieves anxiety, headaches, brain fog and, as ACIM puts it, “the thoughts you think you think” .

It may feel awkward at first, but play around until you get it. That’s what I did, and if I can, so can you 🙂 Read through, and then try this:

Place your tongue against the roof of your mouth, just above your teeth. Once your tongue feels okay there, press gently. Breathe naturally several times and let the nonsense in your head drop into your mouth and continue downwards until all ego mind-stuff plonks out the bottom of your feet. Mother Earth composts it 🙂

Tip #1: Place the palms of your hands on your thighs (if you are sitting). If standing, press palms of hands on a tabletop or against a tree trunk, whatever works.

Tip #2: Plant the soles of your feet firmly on the floor (barefoot is best; wearing shoes is okay, if necessary). Legs are parallel (uncrossed), feet are hip-width apart.

Extra Credit: If you want to go further, incorporate yesterday’s breath, beginning with the “birthday candle” exhale. (Click here if you need a refresher.) * Yes, you’re actually pursing your lips and exhaling while keeping your tongue pressed to the roof of your mouth, just above your teeth.

Warning: We’re working towards dancing 🙂 Have you noticed that “dance” is in “abundance” and “Guidance”? Just a clue that discovering your Inner Dance will liberate you in so many ways!

(If you’d like some personal coaching, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com — my work is really blossoming now, and I have less time available for private sessions, but if you are sincere and motivated, get in touch.)

I cried when I heard the results of the presidential election …

… feeling the deep fear that rules the followers of both Hillary and Donald … but here’s the opportunity: resolve today to be a miracle worker.

When I heard the outcome of the presidential election this morning, to my surprise, I cried. The tears came from an ache of sadness that filled my chest, sank into my stomach, and rose into my throat.

It would have stopped there, but I took the time to breathe into the feelings, which allowed them to swell to completion. Tears filled my eyes, and a gentle rhythmic pulsing accompanied the emotion from eyes (blinking) to throat (gulping) to belly (moving in and out). The sadness moved through, and a renewed sense of inspiration and clarity emerged: Love is the answer, and being a miracle worker is the way.

If I had just “got on with my day” the feelings would have been interrupted, suppressed, and stored in my body — serving the ego’s purpose of keeping a supply of fear trapped in my muscles, tissues, organs, limbs, etc. The ego calls this being responsible (stuff has got to be done!), rather than self-indulgent (tears won’t solve anything) and more.

Your opportunity is this: resolve today to be a miracle worker. Working miracles happens through the Mind, not your head. You need to unclog your communication device — the body!) — by working with the frozen, stiff, trapped gunk you’ve been unconsciously using the body to store for the ego. That’s what the ego made the body for — to be a fear-based separation machine.

The experiential work I offer melts away fear, loneliness, anxiety, depression, hatred, resentment, resistance, and opens you up to use the body for the Holy Spirit’s loving purpose — for you to be a clear conduit for miracles.

Read my blog (free), watch my videos (free), and when you’re ready to really step up the work (what better time than now?) set up a private session with me (priceless). Email miracles@amytorresacim.com — my work is really blossoming now, and I have less time available for one-to-one work, but if you are sincere and motivated, get in touch.

Admitting I Felt Ungrateful Released Me

no-gratitudeFor many years, when the Course spoke of gratitude, something in me objected, because I felt that Jesus was accusing me of being ungrateful. Even though I knew better, there was still a deep feeling of uneasiness and resentment that I had done something wrong, I should be grateful that I was not being punished, and the payback was that I had to feel indebted.

Ego interpreted gratitude as being forced to say “thank you” when I did not want to; as being obligated to feel happy when I did not. Of course, I felt guilty that I was having this negative reaction to gratitude. How unspiritual could I get?

My guilt was compounded as many people in my life expressed heartfelt gratitude about God’s Love, their eyes filled with sincere tears, and I grew angrier and more ashamed of my ungrateful attitude. I did not want to feel ungrateful. But I had to admit that I did.

Still, I was a dedicated Course student and determined to apply its practices. Jesus tells us to be honest, to trust him, and to practice forgiveness, not just towards others, but also towards ourselves. I knew the Holy Spirit undoes everything the ego made IF I chose to give Him my beliefs. So I prayed.

I approach prayer conversationally, so I told Jesus, “I’m willing to give you my resistance to gratitude BUT FIRST…” and went into all the nasty details of my objections (there was some shouting and swearing involved). And what do you know? In return, He thanked me!

unconditional-loveIt was supremely healing to encounter this divine reversal: I gave Spirit all my ingratitude and received Gratitude in return. Emptied of all my grievances, all that was left was Unconditional Love.

Holy Spirit clarified that I was not ungrateful, just triggered by my interpretation of gratitude. He guided me to Lesson 14, “The idea for today is another step in learning to let go the thoughts you have written on the world, and see the Word of God in their place.” And He kindly suggested that I substitute the word “appreciation” for “gratitude” until the issue was entirely purified and the words didn’t matter anymore. Doing this helped me realize how very appreciative I am.

He also led me to Lesson 197, “It can be but my gratitude I earn,” which illuminates the spiritual law that giving is receiving. In other words, when I’m willing to live from the Light which I am, grateful-heart
my appreciation for others is based on the inner light we share, no matter what their opinions or behavior. “The world must thank you when you offer it release from your illusions. Yet your thanks belong to you as well, for its release can only mirror yours.”

Right about this time, someone told me the word “grateful” means “greatful” as in: we are full of Greatness. As I tried on this new definition for size, there was a holy instant of release in which Greatness extended Itself naturally, producing a profound relaxation which stilled my thoughts and spread through my muscles and limbs. As Lesson 155 promises, my forehead was serene; my eyes were quiet.

These days, I gratefully find myself here: “Today let us be thankful. We have come to gentler pathways and to smoother roads. There is no thought of turning back, and no implacable resistance to the truth. A bit of wavering remains, some small objections, and a little hesitance, but you can well be grateful for your gains, which are far greater than you realize.” (W-123: I thank my Father for His gifts to me.)

Let us appreciate these gains together. If you’re having trouble, remember, the quickest route to gratitude is admitting your ingratitude to the Holy Spirit and accepting His merciful release.

* * * * *

This article first appeared in the Sept-Oct 2016 issue of MiracleWorker UK magazine.  

Related essays: Is Thanksgiving Necessary?, Giving Thanks to You, Giving Thanks and Receiving Is Giving

Today’s Miracle: Keep that smile on your face!

True Story: I just called T-Mobile to check out why I was going to be charged for using the MiracleShare Q&A phone line. My customer service person, Wendy, explained very well. As we said goodbye, she said, “Keep that smile on your face, Amy!”

I know from my advertising days that a smile can be seen over the radio, but still, it was pretty incredible! I said, “You keep smiling too, Wendy!” and she replied, “From the moment you said hello, I could just tell that you are a happy person and it put a smile on my face, so I wanted to tell you to keep on smiling.”

Wow! Ordinary miracles rippling through the phone lines 🙂

“You made my day, Wendy!” I said (and that’s huge because each presenter on MiracleShare today has been making my day). Wendy replied, “You made my day, too!”  I guess that holy relationship stuff really works.

You’re smiling right now, aren’t you?

Today’s Miracle: Do We Choose Our Thoughts?

This 16 minute video from Rupert Spira helps to clarify how ego thought functions and what Freedom really is.