Oneness Is Simply the Idea God Is

Yogini by Mooji

Yogini by Mooji

Oneness “returns the mind into the endless present, where the past and future cannot be conceived.  It [Oneness] lies beyond salvation; past all thought of time, forgiveness and the holy face of Christ.  The Son of God has merely disappeared into his Father, as his Father has in him.  The world has never been at all.  Eternity remains a constant state.”  This we are told in Lesson 169 of A Course in Miracles.  It goes on, “We say ‘God is,’ and then we cease to speak, for in that knowledge words are meaningless.  There are no lips to speak them, and no part of mind sufficiently distinct to feel that it is now aware of something not itself.  It has united with its Source.  And like its Source, it merely is.”

For me, the contemporary mystic, beloved Mooji, is the living Christ.  He tells the following story:

A great Yogini was deep in meditation. Suddenly, beautiful and melodious sounds could be heard, appearing as if from nowhere and everywhere simultaneously. It was like nothing she has ever heard. She felt: this music is truly wonderful but it cannot be what I am for I am here to hear it. The music faded away.

Next appeared the most exquisite colours, like no painter could paint; nor could any flower display it for it was not of this earthly realm. She thought, ‘this is, indeed, astonishingly beautiful. However, it cannot be who I am nor can it be real for it cannot appear if I were not here to perceive it.’ This phenomenon, too, she ignored.

Shortly afterwards, it also vanished in the presence of her deep and unmoving silence. Shortly after this, there appeared several beings shaped as if from pure light, floating through space and smiling lovingly at her in a welcoming manner. She felt profoundly touched and filled with loving emotions but inwardly, she somehow, kept her composure. “How profound,” she felt, “but this also cannot be what Is the unchanging reality, for, were I not here, who would see them?”

As soon as this insight occurred, the figures vanished. Her mind entered her heart and could no more produce any effects. A deep silence prevailed as her mind merged inside her indivisible, unconquerable and essential being–a state known to the Yogis as Nirvikalpa Samadhi.

Thank you, dearest Mooji, for your most eloquent teaching of what A Course in Miracles calls “true perception” and for pointing us to what lies beyond this dream world.   And for your inspired painting, Yogini, which transports the mind into Stillness.

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Ask Amy: Does God Want Me To Be Happy With Very Little?

Guy QuestionQ:  I stopped doing ACIM and have just come back to it.  One thing I am having such a hard time with is “letting go” to God because I am afraid that if I “give up” and “surrender” to God that means that He may want me to have a mediocre life and just be happy with very little.  I was raised Catholic and have sort of gotten stuck on this notion that to be good in God’s eyes, you have to be willing to be treated badly/take what life gives you and not be wealthy AND (this is the kicker) be happy about all those things!  If you have any thoughts on that, I’d appreciate it.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAA:  Your question is relevant to many people.  It is a common fear that surrendering to God means to be happy with very little, and glad of it!  Many Course students are afraid that surrendering to the Holy Spirit’s guidance will result in being stripped of our creature comforts, and the people and places we love.

But most of us are not called to lead a life of austerity like Mother Teresa.  It is typical of the ego to expect deprivation and scarcity, because is exactly what the ego feeds on.  Let’s replace “surrender” with “open,” and “give up” with “give.”  In ACIM, Jesus advises you to give all of your fears to the Holy Spirit and open your mind to spiritual guidance.

Spiritual guidance is abundant, limitless Love.  As you give your fears to Spirit, it is like cleaning out a closet — you empty out all the extra junk you’ve been hoarding, and in the clearing a clean space is revealed.  As you empty your mind to Spirit, you become aware of a Loving Light shining within you.  You become more “you” than ever before — the Course says you become a happy learner, dreaming a happy dream as you transition into full awareness of your true Identity.

Your true Identity is Limitlessly Abundant.  In Chapter 1, we’re told, “Truth is always abundant.  Those who perceive and acknowledge that they have everything have no needs of any kind.  The purpose of the Atonement is to restore everything to you; or rather, to restore it to your awareness.  You were given everything when you were created, just as everyone was.”

As you accept Truth, you become more peaceful, filled with a sense of purpose, and truly happier (not in a forced, “I’m supposed to be happy with this scarcity because that’s noble” way).  The circumstances of your life won’t be as important, as you shift, miraculously, into your abundantly loving Inner Life.

This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the May-June 2013 issue of Miracles magazine.  Miracles is a well-loved  staple in the ACIM community.  To get a subscription, email Jon@miraclesmagazine.org or call 845-496-9089.  To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com

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How I Rose with Dignity, After Falling on My Face

This is a story about me actually, literally, falling on my face.  I was crossing Broadway at a very crowded intersection in New York City, when the toe of my shoe caught in the leg of my pants, and down I went!  Flat on my face, kissing the black asphalt, and an army of cars about to roll right over me.  Luckily, the light was red.  Unluckily, my body remained unmoving.  The light turned green, and taxi, SUV and garbage truck drivers pressed their gas pedals and commenced in my direction.  Did they see me laying on my stomach in their path?

traffic congestionDespite impending danger, I felt devoid of fear and quiet of mind.  Glancing up, I saw several people headed toward me.  I was aware that in the past, I would have felt mortified at being so clumsy, disruptive, and in need of help.  My style of perfectionism was to remain unnoticed, and a smooth quick death under the wheels of oncoming traffic would have almost been preferable to being noticed and helped.  At this moment, however, their approach produced a warm feeling in me.  There was the merest twinkle of embarrassment and then it evaporated as a thought arose, “It’s my turn.”

The rhythm of the traffic responded to my predicament–the lively allegro of pressured drivers switched to an unhurried adagio, allowing fearless pedestrians to intercede on my behalf.  Hands reached out to me, and lifted me gently to my feet.  I was disoriented, but it was a relaxed and pleasant sensation–if it was a sensation at all.

Mooji gentle smileOne face in particular came close to mine and asked, “Are you okay?”  “I don’t know,” I replied honestly, rather than stoically brushing him off and finding out later whether I was, indeed, okay.  “Would you like me to stay with you a bit?” he offered.  “Yes, please,” I replied.  The circle of people which had gathered around me melted away as he took over.  I had felt their love as they gathered, and I felt their love as they dispersed.   Everyone and everything felt caring.  The world was at my disposal–I was Loved.

The “stranger”* who was staying with me for a bit, looked into my eyes.  I gazed back into his.  A timeless love flowed between us.  There was no hurry.  And despite being on a very busy, crowded street corner in Manhattan, neither of us felt jostled or as if we were a nuisance to others.  We were Together.

Many times I had been the one to hold out my hand to another who was in need.  Many times I had assured people there was no need to be embarrassed and it was good to accept help.  Now it was my turn.  I accepted the Invitation to be Rumi lisa dietrichwith what was happening exactly as it was.  I fell down.  I lay there.  I judged not.  I assigned no interpretation.  I held no opinions.  Thoughts stopped.  And the whole world, in concert, came to my rescue.

Every person and every driver was my savior.  The Dance choreographed Itself around me, and then lifted me Up and safely set me Down totally in Love with the players who joined me in a portion of the dream.  I wasn’t rescued from bodily harm.  I was rescued from believing in bodily harm.  I wasn’t rescued from losing my “life”.  I was rescued from feeling the shame that keeps us believing in a false life which perpetuates a silly dream the ego insists is real.

What a blessing to fall on my face and uncover the dignity and grace that abides beneath the disguise of human frailty.

*I used a photograph of Mooji, a contemporary mystic, to represent the stranger who helped me, because the look in his eyes captures the steady calm and unconditional generosity I felt from that person.  And I put quotation marks around the word stranger to denote there are no strangers.  “God is not a stranger to His Sons, and His Sons are not strangers to each other.”  ~A Course in Miracles, T-3.III.6:3

Copyright © 2013 Amy Torres.  All rights reserved worldwide.

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Developing Great Listening Skills

listen notHave you ever been talking to someone who is looking around the room while you speak? Or who interrupts you to say something on a completely different subject? Maybe you were confiding in a friend who seemed distracted and when you accused her of not listening, she said indignantly, “I was listening!” and to prove it she parroted back the last phrase you had spoken.

There is a difference between listening and technically hearing what is said. Hearing what is said takes short term memory–it only indicates that on a surface level you took in their words but didn’t join emotionally with the person speaking to you.

Men tend to be better listeners than women because generally they can tolerate silence better. Women are better listeners than men in that they are more comfortable sharing emotions. Men need to learn how to be more emotionally available and responsive. Women need to learn how to be supportive through their presence rather than talking too much.

Becoming a better listener means becoming a better person because it cultivates emotional maturity and generosity. Is it possible to become a great listener? Yes it is. Let’s look at 8 ways you can develop great listening skills.

1. Be interested. Many people think listening means keeping quiet until it is their turn to talk. But true listening is a selfless act. Listening means giving your thoughtful attention to another person. This attention is non-judgmental, open-minded, respectful and interested.

2. Listening is receiving. We are receiving the trust and vulnerability of another person. To be a receiver, let yourself be a blank canvas for the other person. Allow your friend to toss out ideas, feelings, contradictory thoughts, and whatever else is coming up. Let her be upset or illogical.

3. Indicate you’re listening with subtle cues. Let the person know that you’re interested by nodding your head, murmuring “mmm hmmm,” and softly echoing a word or short phrase here and there.

4. Attuning and matching. A good listener usually makes eye contact, but might also sit companionably side by side and gaze straight ahead, allowing the talker privacy and intimacy at the same time. Attune yourself to the person talking todog listening you by noticing the degree of eye contact they are making with you and match them. For instance, if the person seems self-conscious and looks down or away a lot, drop your gaze as well from time to time. This way she will feel accepted rather than scrutinized. If she is animated and leaning towards you, lean towards her. Pick up on her rhythm, her body language. Psychological research has found that people feel understood when we use the same gestures they use. This helps them to feel safe and relaxed.

5. Wait for an organic pause. Try not to interrupt–it’s an amazing gift to provide enough space for someone to let it all out. When there is a lull, and the person seems to have unburdened themselves, that will be the time to speak. When I was a student in Gestalt psychotherapy training, I would eagerly jump in while clients were still talking and a fellow student told me that I wasn’t waiting for the “organic pause”–that natural breath between spoken thoughts that opens the door to another voice chiming in. I came from a cultural background where we were used to interrupting each other’s interruptions, and it wasn’t unusual for five conversations to be going on at the same time. Even if this is acceptable socially, it doesn’t work when someone really needs a shoulder to cry on, or in a work situation, if a colleague needs to resolve professional issues,  or any situation which calls for real listening.

6. Acknowledge and empathize. Good listening is not complete silence. When the time comes to speak, briefly reiterate to the person what you heard them say. For example, “It sounds like you’re really upset with your boyfriend for having lunch with his ex. If I were you I’d feel the same way.” or “I know you really wanted that promotion and I don’t blame you for feeling it was unfair that the new guy got it.” By reflecting back to the person what they said in their own words, you are acknowledging you heard them accurately. And by saying you might feel the same way, you are putting your foot in their shoe and empathizing with them. The emotional tone of what you say should be responsive rather than reactive. In other words, while you’re listening, take note of what’s coming up for you and put it on a back shelf. Sort out what is useful for the person who is confiding in you and, for now, keep your own emotions and opinions to yourself.

7. Don’t give unasked for advice. Most of us have not been listened to in the way I’m describing, so we’re not used to listening to someone else this way. We may consider ourselves very nice people and have all kinds of good ideas for the person speaking to us about their problem. What we don’t realize is that offering solutions before a person has expressed their upset feelings doesn’t work. Do you want to be told what to do while you’re venting?

8. Make an offering. After acknowledging and empathizing, you have the option of offering something more. It can be something simple like, “How can I help?” or “Would you like some feedback from me?” Chances are your friend feels relieved and solutions are starting to form within her now that she’s cleared a space inside herself. Don’t be surprised if your good listening facilitates her having a revelation about herself or the situation. She may tell you that you’ve done more than enough already! If she does want feedback, this is your opportunity to share your experience and offer advice. Timing is everything-wait until you’re invited.

good listener ribbonWhat’s in it for you? Great listeners are receivers-they receive trust, they are in an honored position in that way. They help people sort out their thoughts and feelings. Listeners offer solace and consolation. They celebrate and appreciate good news or achievements. And in the process, listeners receive the gratification of being there for someone else. Listeners have cultivated patience to wait until another person has talked themselves out-and have discovered that people often find their own answers to their struggles. So listening develops faith in us that people have an inner intelligence and we don’t have to be mini-Gods and fix everyone’s problems by jumping in and talking too much or too soon. By developing great listening skills, we provide a mirror that reflects back to the person speaking what is inside of them, and that is powerfully rewarding for both of us.

 

Copyright © 2011 Amy Torres.  All rights reserved worldwide.

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Miracle on a Silver Platter

283353_10150402929828858_4183955_nYesterday, I came across this essay written over a year ago, and I felt so happy reading it, I thought I would re-post.  Hopefully, it will renew your faith and bring a smile to your lips 🙂

The other day, just after I parked my car in Soho, I began my brisk walk to my office. Almost immediately, I encountered a woman with young children sitting beside a table stocked with beautiful objects. It is not unusual for people to sell wares on the street in New York City, so I assumed it was an urban garage sale. And an especially nice one at that, because Soho is filled with artists and artisans. What was unusual was that this lovely lady was saying, “Everything on this table is free! Please take something!”

I slowed down my pace and looked a little closer. Everything on the table seemed to emanate love and beauty. “Everything is free?” I asked. “Yes,” she explained. “We need to unclutter and just want to find nice homes for our stuff.” “Why don’t you sell it?” was my next question, feeling hesitant to take something so beautiful for free. “No, we just need to be free of it as soon as possible,” she said, “If you really want, you can make a donation to a local charity that we will give this money to, but there is no need.” And she tilted her head toward a jar labeled with the name of an institution worthy of donations.

Now, for those of you who don’t know, I just bought my very first house, and could really use some stuff 🙂 Plus, being a Libra, I have a soft spot for beauty in all its forms. There was a silver platter, bowl and pitcher which caught my eye. “Would it be greedy to take all three?” I asked. “No, no, no!” she exclaimed, “Please take them! You would make me so happy if you did! We just want our beloved objects to have a happy home.” “I can promise you they will have a very happy home,” I replied and she and I beamed at each other with satisfaction, her little girls smiled shyly from behind her back, and Love radiated up and down Wooster Street.

So I tossed $20 in the donation jar, and then carefully gathered the silver platter, the pitcher and the bowl in my arms. They were quite heavy and I wondered how I could carry them to my office when it occurred to me that I was still near my car! How perfect. I simply walked back to the car, stashed my booty in the trunk, and proceeded on to my office with empty arms and a full heart. I knew God promised me miracles–I should have guessed they would come on a silver platter.

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The Unseen Spot by Oscar Senn

He says it’s not so serious, that everything’s all right;
in a voice so clear and certain, so low and calmly quiet,
that when he speaks, peace is present, palpable and real,
carried not by sounds in air, but what my heart can feel.

Sudden recognition of a forgotten friend’s return
Brings a lifting of the spirit, absolution from concern.
It’s an instant of remembering, a moment unrehearsed –
time outside of time, where disorder is reversed.

His voice falls soft and thoughtful, behind and to my right –
he must have been been there all along, just outside of sight.
So winding was our road, so rapt was I in thought,
I forgot he paced my every step in that unseen spot.

He doesn’t even mention what a stranger I have been,
or all the ways I’ve wandered since last I spoke with him.
No question comes between us, not a single why or how,
a seeming lifetime’s passage cannot separate us now.

In a smiling voice he answers the last doubt that crossed my mind
with such simple stunning wisdom, so artfully opined,
that the path before us vanishes, the trees all fade away,
but in their passing shadows sparkle stars and suns at play.

The stately ordered movements of the cosmos, moon and stars,
flow from his speech like richest wine from finest earthen jars.
I drink, and heaven opens, dimensions reflect all ‘round,
in mirrored halls of the elder king where a prince reclaims a crown.

A prince who traveled with me as a brother and a friend,
who never once asked a thing of me, neither homage nor amends,
but calm and patient, shared my search, whispering in one ear,
reminding, teaching, persuading me to love instead of fear.

Thank you, Oscar, for giving me permission to reprint your beautiful poem.  For those of you who loved this one, you can find more ACIM poetry at www.miracleshare.org

Copyright 2013 Oscar Senn

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Ask Amy: How Do I Forgive Myself When I Caused Another Pain?

Guy QuestionQ:  In the past I made a mistake (I used to think I sinned) that hurt another person.  The relationship is ruined and the person will not allow me to express any remorse for the mistake.  How do I forgive myself when I caused pain?  I know the past is gone (I see only the past is the lesson I am on) and I know the mistake did not occur except in my dream.  I don’t understand how forgiveness works in a situation like this.  Do I forgive the perceived situation or what?

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAA:  The wonderful thing about A Course in Miracles is that you do not have to understand how forgiveness works at all.  You are simply asked to give every belief you’ve ever held to the Holy Spirit to release and heal your judgments of the perceived situation.  As you open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, forgiveness occurs naturally, so you are not actually doing anything.  In Chapter 16, we are advised, “I need do nothing, except not to interfere.”

Try working with the exercises in Workbook Lesson 21, “I am determined to see things differently.”  Give every thought, idea, belief, opinion, and interpretation you have about your past mistake in detail to the Holy Spirit.  Either talk to Him or write a letter.  Then sit and listen — open your mind to Love.  You may have to do this many times.  Sometimes you will feel a sense of peace, your breath will come easier, something will release.  Other times, seemingly nothing happens, but the Course assures us a healing has occurred.

I’m glad you now see “sinning” as making a mistake.  That’s a sign that you are allowing the mind training ACIM offers us to heal your sense of guilt and separation.  The Preface states, “Since love is all there is, sin in the sight of the Holy Spirit is a mistake to be corrected, rather than an evil to be punished.”

As far-fetched as it may seem, we truly cannot hurt another person.  What hurts is our interpretation of events.  The Course tells us we know nothing and that is true.  But it is still necessary to breathe through all our feelings in order to release them to Spirit and contact the Light which is always within us.  As you do this, your sense of Innocence will arise, and you will understand the entire situation through the Holy Spirit’s unified vision of Love.

This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the March-April 2013 issue of Miracles magazine.  Miracles is a well-loved staple in the ACIM community.  To get a subscription, email Jon@miraclesmagazine.org or call 845-496-9089.  To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com

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It’s Easter–Time to Wake Up!

flower by john lucasEaster is here and A Course in Miracles invites us to celebrate this holiday without the church as middleman. Jesus tells us, “Let us give redemption to each other and share in it, that we may rise as one in resurrection, not separate in death.”

The world considers it a miracle that Jesus rose from the grave. Jesus tells us not to be duped by this ego-serving interpretation. He also tells us that his crucifixion was merely an extreme example of something we do everyday: carry the cross.

Yes, all our daily grievances effectively block the miracle of Innocence, Unity and Love that is our true Self. If you still have a taste for sin, guilt and fear, pain, alienation and hatred, sorrow, loss and shame, carry on! But if you’ve been studying the Course long enough to “get it” even a little bit, set your alarm clock for the holy instant instead, and, this Easter, lay that rugged cross down.

easter bunny n eggsThe crucifixion was quite an event–what a shame if we entirely miss the point! As Jesus says, “The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until then you are free to crucify yourself as often as you choose. This is not the gospel I intended to offer you.” (T-intro.3:8-10) and “You cannot crucify yourself alone. … Whenever you consent to suffer pain, to be deprived, unfairly treated or in need of anything, you but accuse your brother of attack upon God’s Son. … The Holy Spirit offers you, to give to him, a picture of yourself in which there is no pain and no reproach at all. And what was martyred to his guilt becomes the perfect witness to his innocence.” (T-27.I.1:5 and 3:1 and 5)

Let’s not sabotage Jesus’ effort to show us that there is no need for guilt, and death is not real. Let’s stop playing the crucifixion game and focus on ACIM’s definition of resurrection instead. In the Manual for Teachers, resurrection is defined as a change of mind about the meaning of the world. The ego wants us to believe that it has overcome God and is being pursued by a vengeful Father. This delusional thinking is easily undone by the Holy Spirit–when we ask for His Help.

Make this Easter truly meaningful by responding to Jesus’ invitation, “This week begins with palms and ends with lilies, the white and holy sign the Son of God is innocent. Let no dark sign of crucifixion intervene between the journey and its purpose; between the acceptance of the truth and its expression. This week we celebrate life, not death. And we honor the perfect purity of the Son of God, and not his sins. Offer your brother the gift of lilies, not the crown of thorns; the gift of love and not the ‘gift’ of fear. You stand beside your brother, thorns in one hand and lilies in the other, uncertain which to give. Join now with me and throw away the thorns, offering the lilies to replace them.” (T-20.I.2:1-6)

Now all of us rise together to the Home we never left.  white lily on white background

Related Easter posts from The Unlearning Classroom are:  From Crucifixion to Resurrection and What Is Easter, Really?

If you need help practicing the Workbook lessons from A Course in Miracles, sign up for my online class, Workin’ the Workbook.

Copyright © 2013 Amy Torres.  All rights reserved worldwide.

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The Parental Disapproval Syndrome

If you are A Course in Miracles student, you know that being a parent is one big set-up. Babies aren’t innocent–they have chosen the ego as their teacher and so their experience will proceed accordingly. In other words, they have to be dissatisfied with their parents. Children have to feel victimized, no matter how idyllic their childhood may have been–and most are not so lucky. Here in the dream, the parent-child dynamic is perfect proof that life is unfair. The article below is a classic written by Leonard Orr and Sondra Ray, and gives some useful explanation of what the parental disapproval syndrome produces in the world.

The Parental Disapproval Syndrome
by Leonard Orr and Sondra Ray (Rebirthing in the New Age p. 59)

The Parental Disapproval Syndrome is another major cause of fear and negative programming. The syndrome develops as a result of your parents’ experiencing disapproval from their parents and their resentment of that disapproval. But they were not able to get even verbally or physically, so their true feelings were suppressed. They didn’t receive enough love and affection and found their parents difficult to please. So they spent the rest of their lives trying to get even with their parents or trying to please them to win their love. They constantly had to perform and conform according to their parents’ instructions in a futile attempt to win their love. This is later transferred to employers, authority figures, and “society.” They found little satisfaction until they had children (you). Then they had a captive child who was defenseless against parental hostilities and often coerced into giving them affection when the parents desire it.

To sum it up, parents take out their hostility toward their parents on their children (you). The spirit of the child is broken. Then you, as a child, have to suppress your true feelings until you have children and you take out your anger on yours—it goes on from generation to generation.

The fact is, you were a divine being when you came out of the womb.* Your parents began to disapprove of you and you resented it. But you couldn’t resist them or get even because you didn’t have a big enough vocabulary or a big enough body. The only way you could get even was to do what they disapproved of, which caused more disapproval. So you kept the disapproval syndrome going until you decided you could not win. Eventually you gave up and surrendered your loyalty to your divine nature and decided to follow instructions. So you followed instructions for the rest of your life. And when you got old enough to move out of the house, your parents (after they had invalidated your creativity, initiative, and natural wisdom) kicked you out and said, “Now is the time to succeed.” Then you went out and looked for somebody to give you instructions. That is the reason most people find employers and why people find mates. Hopefully, when you get married you will finally have found somebody who knows how to give you instructions, somebody who will solve all your problems, make all your decisions and plan your life for you. And, they don’t do it! Your mate doesn’t do it because he or she is expecting the same of you.

Behind that desire to have you plan their life for them, mates will express their hostility toward you. “Falling in love” is the hope that you have finally found a parental substitute. If you suppress your hostility successfully enough, then you will have a successful relationship. If you suppress your hostilities long enough in the relationship, then the relationship may last long enough to end in marriage. If you continue to suppress your hostility long enough, then your marriage might last long enough to have children. Guess what happens then? You get even with the bastards. You get even with your parents by taking it out on your kids. (It is obvious that people inhejit at least a portion of the subconscious minds of their parents as well as their bodies. In fact, financial and marital relationships usually follow the parents’ behavior so exactly that it almost seems mechanical.) The ultimate knowledge is self-knowledge and the ultimate freedom is internal freedom.

There are several vehicles by which the parental disapproval syndrome is transmitted. Three of the most popular are bedtime, mealtime and toilet training. You came out of the womb with “divine” energy and you probably didn’t need to sleep a whole lot. But your parents taught you that you do need to sleep a whole lot. Sleep is related to the birth trauma and to being in the womb. When you came out of the womb and all hell broke loose, you learned that the world outside the womb was a hostile place. You have gone through the rest of your life protecting yourself from a hostile world during your waking hours. After running around all day protecting yourself, you experience enough tension so that you get tired and you want to go to bed—you have reached the point of not being able to cope, which develops as an addiction. You want some rest from the world, so you go back into the womb/bedroom. You turn off the lights to make it dark, as it was in the womb. You crawl under the covers, which simulate the pressure of the walls of the womb and raise your body temperature. Then you go into a state of preverbal-like consciousness called sleep. So by going to bed you have recreated the womb experience. If you stay in bed long enough, your bed becomes a hostile place. It is hostile because your parents disapprove of your staying in bed too long, and they will come after you with sticks.

There is a lot of unpleasantness connected with bed; it is no wonder that some people have difficulty having fun in bed. It can be an unpleasant place, just as the bedroom is uncomfortable because children also get punished by being sent to their rooms. They go there and feel unloved. So it turns out later that those people can screw on Main Street and get off on sex in the back of the car, but in bed, no way! There is just too much tension and too much going on in the bedroom. It is better to make love on the dining room table, if the dining room table is a pleasant place. However, for most people, the dining room table was where they got all the bad news. Your parents criticized you for playing with your food and not cleaning your plate. Eating can make you nervous forever after.

Mealtime is the time when most kids get the bad news. That’s when you learn if you don’t clean up your plate you are not loved. So whenever people feel anxiety they go “clean up” a plate.

Then there is toilet training. Now if you had unpleasant toilet training and you go to the bathroom five or six times a day (and you “plug into” those unpleasant emotions every time you go to the bathroom), then it is no wonder you have difficulty ever being happy and experiencing bliss. Problems of constipation, diarrhea, etc., are probably all ultimately connected to your toilet training. I had one client whose mother was so obsessed with toilet training that he developed an anal fixation, became homosexual and could only get off sexually with anal intercourse. He took enemas constantly.

Being aware of parental disapproval is very valuable, because when you are disapproving you are just “running out” your parent, or replaying your parents’ tape. The idea is to express your hostility toward your parents and get it out. This will ultimately enable you to love them more. Otherwise, when your parents die, you experience failure. You never “got even” and now you are never going to get their love either. You feel disappointment for having suppressed your true nature and for not having gained their approval.

*From an ACIM perspective, babies are just as “guilty” of believing in a separate ego self as adults.

*******

Thank you Leonard Orr and Sondra Ray for your many insights into healing.

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Indifference vs Detachment

I feel moved to reprint this essay published by Wahiduddin in Bowl of Saki because it complements A Course in Miracles so well.  Many times I’ve had Course students tell me they are afraid of their Inner Light because it seems boring to them.  Others fool themselves into thinking they are spiritually advanced because they have visual experiences of Light, but they have an indifference toward other people and are unaware of their insensitivity.  And then there is the type of person who is superior to all spiritual teachings because s/he knows better–his indifference is a psychological defense which, in the end, puts one over on only himself!   Here is Hazrat Inayat Khan’s spiritual wisdom–I hope you enjoy it as much as I do:

murshid2“He who arrives at the state of indifference without experiencing interest in life is incomplete and apt to be tempted by interest at any moment; but he who arrives at the state of indifference by going through interest really attains the blessed state.”   ~Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:

It is the interest of God which has been the cause of all creation and which keeps the whole universe in harmony; nevertheless one should not be completely immersed in phenomena, but should realize oneself as being independent of interests. … He who arrives at the state of indifference without experiencing interest in life is incomplete, and apt to be tempted by interest at any moment; but he who arrives at the state of indifference by going through interest, really attains the blessed state. Perfection is reached not through interest alone, nor through indifference alone, but through the right experience and understanding of both.

We also see many examples in this world of how interest often limits man’s power, and how indifference makes it greater. But at the same time indifference should not be practiced unless it springs naturally from the heart. There is a saying in the Hindi language, ‘Interest makes kings, but indifference makes emperors.’ … There comes a day in the life of a person, sooner or later, the day when he no longer thinks about himself, how he eats, how he is clothed, how he lives, how anybody treats him, if anybody loves him or hates him. Every thought that concerns himself leaves him. That day comes, and it is a blessed day when it comes to a man. That day his soul begins to liveIndifference is attained by developing interest, and by developing discrimination in one’s interest. Instead of going backward one should go forward in one’s interest. Then one will find that a spring will rise naturally in one’s heart, when the heart has touched the zenith in the path of interest. Then the fountain of interest will break up gradually, and when this happens, one should follow this trend, so that in the end one may know what interest means, and what indifference means.

Our likes and infatuations have a certain limit; when their time has expired the period of indifference commences. When the water of indifference is drunk, then there is no more wish for anything in the world. The nature of the water one drinks in this world is that one’s thirst is quenched for a certain time and then comes again. When the water of divine knowledge is drunk, then thirst never comes again. … Indifference, however, must be reached after interest has taken its course; before that moment it is a fault. A person without an interest in life becomes exclusive, he becomes disagreeable. Indifference must come after all experience – interest must end in indifference. Man must not take the endless path of interest: the taste of everything in the world becomes flat. Man must realize that all he seeks in the objects he runs after, that all beauty and strength, are in himself, and he must be content to feel them all in himself. … Vairagya means satisfaction, the feeling that no desire is to be satisfied any more, that nothing on earth is desired. This is a great moment, and then comes that which is the kingdom of God.

Vairagi means a person who has become indifferent; and yet indifference is not the word for it. It describes a person who has lost the value in his eyes of all that attracts the human being. It is no more attractive to him; it no more enslaves him. He may still be interested in all things of this life, but is not bound to them. … No affair of this world, no relation, no friendship, no wealth, no rank, position or comfort, nothing holds him. And yet that does not mean that he in any way lacks what is called love or kindness, for if ever he lives in this world it is only out of love. He is not interested in the world and it is only love that keeps him here, the love which does not express itself any more in the way of attachment, but only in the way of kindness, forgiveness, generosity, service, consideration, sympathy, helpfulness, in any way that it can; never expecting a return from the world, but ever doing all that it can, pitying the conditions, knowing the limitations of life and its continual changeability.

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~Bowl of Saki, February 11, by Hazrat Inayat Khan compiled by Wahiduddin–many thanks Wahiduddin for sharing Murshid’s illuminated teachings with us every day.

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