Ask Amy: Forgiving Others Is Forgiving Yourself
Q: I have prayed and prayed but find it very hard to forgive my family for what they did to me including abandonment, and verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. Can you please help me understand how forgiving others is forgiving myself?
A: A Course in Miracles provides tremendous relief for its students because it relieves us of the burden of forgiving. As you have seen for yourself, sometimes our most sincere efforts still do not work. The missing link is your relationship with your Inner Teacher, also called the Holy Spirit.
Forgiveness arises as you cultivate a relationship with the Holy Spirit because it is His job to undo our errors. “The Holy Spirit has the task of undoing what the ego has made.” (T-5). When you place yourself in the Holy Spirit’s Hands, He purifies you by removing everything that is not-Love, and therefore only Love remains. Only Love remains because we are One, unified in formless Truth. Until this is experienced, it is merely a concept. So for now, your job is to practice forgiveness the way Jesus directs in ACIM.
The Course teaches that forgiveness is not given by one person to another (or to yourself). Forgiveness is the practice of giving. When you give everything, your whole life, to the Holy Spirit, you empty yourself of all resentments, wounds, grievances, sins and suffering. Then you are a clean slate. On this clean slate, the Word of God is written: Love. You need not understand how, but eventually, as you empty yourself of all personal grievances, it will become clear that forgiving others is forgiving yourself … and forgiving yourself is forgiving others.
Jesus sets the standard when it comes to forgiveness: “Condemn and you are made a prisoner. Forgive and you are freed.” (W-198) In case you are tempted to believe that Jesus is better than you, he is also very clear that, “There is nothing about me that you cannot attain.” (T-1)
If we did not feel like victims, we would see everybody who hurts us as terrified and in need of love (including ourselves). That’s how Jesus saw his persecutors. In Chapter 2, Jesus explains, “The statement, ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do’ in no way evaluates what they do. It is an appeal to God to heal their minds. There is no reference to the outcome of the error. That does not matter.” In Jesus’ case the outcome was torture and murder and it does not matter. “The message of the crucifixion,” says Jesus, “is perfectly clear: Teach only love, for that is what you are.” (T-6)
Bodies can be physically injured. Egos can be psychologically injured. But Spirit, being Love, does not harm Itself. Forgiveness is a mind-healing. This mind-healing can be attained no matter what situation you are in because no one can imprison your mind. You can allow your mind to be intimidated and manipulated until you learn you have the choice to turn your mind over to the Holy Spirit. Then, oppression ends. You reclaim your mind.
Jesus guides us, “… the only meaningful prayer is for forgiveness, because those who have been forgiven have everything.” Even Jesus was forgiven by God. Forgiven in this context means undone. In this undoing is the discovery that you are not human, you are Being. Then, the rest of your days on earth are heavenly, for you spend them being a conduit for God’s Love.
“You and your brother are the same, as God Himself is One and not divided in His Will.” (T-25.II.11:1)
For more on this topic, watch
and read Five Steps to Cultivating Your Relationship with the Holy Spirit
This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the Nov-Dec 2015 issue of Miracles magazine. Miracles is a well-loved staple in the ACIM community. For a subscription, email Jon@miraclesmagazine.org or call 845-496-9089. To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com
