Author:Amy Torres

In honor of his birthday: My Interview with Ken Wapnick

It was leaf-peeping season in Roscoe, New York in October 2000, when I drove up to spend the weekend interviewing Ken Wapnick (in between attending his workshops) at The Foundation for A Course in Miracles on Tennanah Lake. The trees along the winding upstate roads were raining gold and burgundy leaves.

The air was crisp. Plaid woolen jackets and red hunting caps were the local fashion statement.  Along with fishing rods and wading boots.  Known as Trout Town USA, the Roscoe visitor’s guide bragged, “Come cast a line in our waters–you’ll be hooked for a lifetime!!!”  Well, I was already hooked.  Hooked on God and His Message in  A Course in Miracles.  And I felt driven to ask Ken Wapnick, the first human teacher of the Course, some questions face to face.

Today, February 22nd, is Ken’s birthday, so I thought we could celebrate by receiving some timeless insights he shared with me almost 21 years ago.

While re-reading our conversation, it struck me that Ken exhibited a constancy of good cheer, unshakable faith and generosity that are signs of God-Mind. This quote from a section in Chapter 21 which Ken often referred to, “The Last Unanswered Question,” came to me:

“Happiness must be constant, because it is attained by giving up the wish for the inconstant. Joy cannot be perceived except through constant vision. And constant vision can be given only those who wish for constancy.” (T-21.VII.13:2-4)

Here is an excerpt from the 30-page interview that Ken was gracious enough to have with me over the course of an entire weekend in October 2000.  It was intended to be published in The Sun magazine, as a follow-up piece to Higher Learning by D. Patrick Miller, an interview he did with Ken and Gloria which appeared in Issue 231, March 1995.  For reasons I don’t really understand, my interview stayed between me and Ken … I lost the desire to publish it.  I would apologize to him about this from time to time, and he would always forgive me 😀

Now the timing seems right to surface some of the material, so here goes.

Amy:  Early in the Text, we’re told purification is necessary and it is our thoughts that are being purified. And we’re also told that “This is a course in mind training.”  Can you speak about purification and mind training?  It sounds to me like choosing to be brainwashed in the nicest sense of … washing your brain.

Ken:  Washing your mind.  Purification is not a word which is used very often.  What purification really means is to undo the guilt that’s in our minds.  The guilt is the impurified part of our mind.  The impurity.  And forgiveness is what undoes that.  It has nothing to do with purification of the body.

Amy:  It’s all about forgiveness.

Ken:  It’s all about forgiveness.  That’s the great purifier.  And guilt is the impurity.

Amy:  And when we reach the state of forgiveness, what happens to us?  Do we just evaporate in a sense?

Ken:  You remain Amy, just as lovely as you are now, the only difference is that you would be happy all the time, there would be no anxiety, there would be no fear, there would be no guilt, there would be no depression, there would be no concern for anything, and you would be happy and peaceful all the time.

Amy:  But does the dream evaporate?  The dream is an illusion …

Ken:  Yes, it does.  But it doesn’t do it immediately.  The Course has the concept of the happy dream and there’s one passage that says you could not waken from the nightmare into reality because the terror would be so enormous and therefore you have to take small steps and those are the gentle, or happy, dreams of the Holy Spirit.  So, in the very end when you totally accept the Atonement, and you’ve forgiven totally, then you do awaken from the dream.   Which doesn’t mean that your body goes “poof!”  It just means that you know for certain that you are not your body.

Amy:  And then do you stop dreaming?  Do you die?

Ken:  Well, physical death has nothing to do with it.  It’s totally irrelevant.  But before you reach that point you become less anxious, less fearful, less angry, less judgmental, less guilty, etc., etc., and it’s a process.  Within the illusion of time, it’s a process.

Amy:  Does the branching of the road come before the happy dream? [The Branching of the Road is section IV in Chapter 22]

Ken:  The branching of the road, in a sense, would represent your choosing the happy dream.  When you basically make the choice, “I’m not going back this way again, and I may still be afraid of the final awakening because I would lose this individual self but I’m really making a commitment now, not to go back to my old ego’s ways but continue to look forward.”

Amy:  Does the branching of the road correspond to that part in the Course where Jesus talks about how it may seem very painful that you have to let go of relationships or habits in your life?

Ken:  Well, yes, in the sense that when you make that choice, the branching of the road, you’re really making a commitment to really let go of yourself.

Amy:  The small self?

Ken:  Yes, the small self, and that’s where the pain and fear becomes more acute because your ego recognizes that you really mean business.  I’ll be discussing that in the workshop tomorrow. [The workshop was called “The Scissors of Duality”]

Amy:  Speaking of the small self, I’ve noticed in my own life that as I have developed ego strength that I’ve been able to relinquish my ego.

Ken:  Mm hmm, yes, that’s the way it works.

Amy:  Can you talk about that a little, because it’s so paradoxical.

Ken: If the person doesn’t have ego strength it’s because there’s too much fear.  Or anxiety, or guilt, or whatever form it takes.  So how could you let go of your ego which is all about guilt and fear anyway?  Developing what psychologists refer to as ego strength is really a way of letting go of a lot of senses of inadequacy, anxiety, fear of death, etc.  That’s how it works.

Amy:  So there’s a real logic to it.

Ken:  Oh, yeah.  You can’t let go of your ego until you first have one.

Amy:  You can’t let go of your ego until you first have one.

Ken:  Yes.  And not having ego [strength] is basically autism, ultimately.  And that’s really intense fear.  Because that’s what the ego is.  Jung talks about two stages of life and the first stage is developing an ego.  And Jung said that the second stage is that every problem over the age of 35 or 40 is a spiritual problem.  What he meant was that the first part of your life is learning how to adapt to the world and how to get by in the world.  And the second part of your life you spend learning how to let all that go.  I don’t agree with a lot of what Jung said but here I think he was right.  The East says the same thing.  With men, anyway, you spend the first part of your life raising a family and having a wife, and when the children are grown you leave, and you go on your spiritual search.  The form seems a little odd to us in the West, but the idea is that you spend the first part of your life developing your ego, which really means learning how to undo a lot of fear, and that’s the first step.  The second step is, you can now take a step beyond that, and let go of this ego stuff entirely.

* * *

There’s more to this interview, but I’ll stop here for now.  Happy Birthday, Ken!  Your personal identity and body was born into the dream on February 22, 1942.  And, hopefully, in the words of the East, you achieved moksha, liberation from the ego, on December 27, 2013.  You are alive and well in my heart and the Universal Heart.

Namaste~  Amy

Copyright © 2000 & Beyond. Amy Torres.  All rights reserved worldwide.

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Lesson 3 – I do not understand anything I see.

I do not understand anything I see. I look around the room, as Lesson 3 instructs, at objects nearer and then farther away, and I marinate in the thought Jesus has offered me:

I do not understand anything I see.

There is a positive heaviness within … it feels like relief and relaxation. How relieving to see without understanding. I am without responsibilities, worries and cares. I am experiencing without filters … breath is breath. Sight is sight. The mind is quiet.

As a person whose life has been devoted to understanding myself and others, it’s amusing to allow the possibility that I’ve never understood anything from a Higher Perspective.

How has this exercise from Lesson 3 been for you?

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Lesson 2 – I have given everything I see all the meaning that it has for me.

I swivel on my bottom, as if sitting on a bar stool, to practice glancing around at objects with the insight that I have given everything I see all the meaning that it has for me.

The effect is similar to dancing the Sufi turn — the eyes de-focus and objects blend in a soft, slow blur of shape, texture and color. It is very pleasant. The brain is relieved of all interpretation.

The eyes grow sleepy and roll back into the brain, lids half-closed, as I continue to survey the surroundings, near and then farther out. Again, it is very pleasant. My breath deepens and becomes fuller. My hips, pelvis and bottom sink, with a reassuring weightiness, into the chair. The soles of my bare feet are grounded and my toes explore and enjoy the soft carpeting to an uncharacteristic degree. Who needs drugs when meditative endorphins are so easily accessible? Wink.

As you do Lesson 2, what is your experience? Share it with me: [email protected] or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AmyTorresTeacher

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Lesson 1 – Nothing I see means anything.

Read this lesson with a sponge-like mind. Let the mind be open and receptive. You do not need to know how. Just allow. Keep breathing throughout the lesson. The lessons can feel scary but your feelings are not Fact.

In Chapter 6 of A Course in Miracles we are told, “You cannot be anywhere God did not put you, and God created you as part of Him. That is both where you are and what you are. It is completely unalterable. It is total inclusion. You cannot change it now or ever. It is forever true. It is not a belief, but a Fact.” (T-6.II.6:2-8)

Let us align with Fact. How? Choose Jesus as your guide and teacher. Then breathe in the lesson. Breathe out fear. Breathe in Love. Breathe out fear. You do not need anything other than a tiny willingness.

Make sure to read the Introduction to the workbook lessons. The Introduction offers priceless wisdom and orientation. Our minds are being trained. This means we are being un-brain-washed from the ego thought system. This undoing cleans the lens of the mind so that we perceive truly rather than falsely. Joining with the Holy Spirit affords us this beautiful new view.

As the mind is trained, transfer of training (which results in true perception) expands your heart, lets your breath come easily and fully, and shifts your relationship to everyone and everything everywhere. This is good.

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Thinning Away Like the Heel of a Threadbare Sock

A God-given Message came to me about 15 years ago: “Amy is thinning away like the heel of a threadbare sock.”

I immediately understood this Message and knew it to be true, although it wasn’t easy to explain to someone else. Now feels like the right time to share how I came to be thinning away, and how you can do so, too.

It started with my anguish that my first marriage was not going well … in fact, it had reached a point where I knew I had to get out and I felt sick over it, as well as terrified of the reaction of my at-that-time husband. I was reading everything I could get my hands on about relationships, and discovered Bradshaw On: The Family. In it, the author, John Bradshaw, talked about “fair fighting.”

Fair fighting was a revolutionary concept to me, and yet was something I had always known although I did not have words for it. From there, many tools for and forms of compassionate communication were revealed to me and something that had been off track inside me clicked into place. I wanted to practice fair fighting, staying in the green zone, active listening, mirroring, and much more with my partner, my family, my friends, strangers, everyone.

After lots more reading, training as a Gestalt psychotherapist, and being initiated into a variety of spiritual paths, a synthesis of ideas took place within me and emerged as The Language of Love, Harmony & Beauty. “Love, harmony and beauty” is used in Sufi prayer, and is very similar to what A Course in Miracles calls, “the good, the beautiful and the holy.”

This synthesis gave me a stunning clarity as to how thinking, feeling, needing, wanting and sensing are used by the ego to keep us engaged in its airtight, yet insane, logic. I also received a method as to how to use thinking, feeling, needing, wanting and sensing for the Holy Spirit’s purpose, which ACIM calls right-mindedness and true perception.

At first, I was the guinea pig. No one else wanted to play with me. Almost everybody around me wanted to argue, manipulate, lie, remain in denial, stay unconscious, wallow in depression, self-medicate … or drug themselves with mantras and meditation, without taking a good look at themselves, choosing accountability and getting honest.

It was a very lonely, and very inspiring time in my life. I was thrown back on God and God, using the Language of Love, Harmony and Beauty, started thinning Amy away.

Let me know if you’re interested in hearing more about this … it feels to me like the best way to begin 2018, but I’d like to know if you’re listening … email me at [email protected]

Click here for a free companion piece on what to do when you have an Extra-Strength Ego.

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Giving Thanks to You!

Thank you for receiving my Light,
and reflecting this Light back to me.

thank you beach

“When a mind has only light,
it knows only light.

Its own radiance shines all around it,
and extends out into the darkness of other minds,
transforming them into majesty.

The Majesty of God is there,
for you to recognize and appreciate and know.

Recognizing the Majesty of God as your brother
is to accept your own inheritance.

God gives only equally.
If you recognize His gift in anyone,
you have acknowledged what He has given you.

Nothing is so easy to recognize as truth.
This is the recognition that is immediate, clear and natural.”
(T-7.XI.5)

For me, every day is Thanksgiving.  I don’t equate giving thanks one day a year based on a very short-lived respite between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians at Plymouth Plantation in 1621 with real gratitude.

True thanks is the immediate, clear and natural response when your only purpose is choosing to see the Light in others, no matter what their personality or behavior.  Admittedly, for most of us, Thanksgiving does provide ample opportunities to practice applying this truth 😉

Let me know how seeing the Light in your brothers goes this holiday.  Email me at [email protected].

To receive my free e-newsletter as a beacon of Light in your inbox, just put your contact info in the “Love and miracles are your essence. Want some?” box — above and to the right.


Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

Amy

 

Amy purple coat starburst

Related essays: Is Thanksgiving Necessary?, Giving ThanksReceiving Is Giving, and Admitting I Felt Ungrateful Released Me

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Ask Amy: Are You Spiritually Sponge-able?

Q: Can you explain more about how we need to use the body to undo our belief in the body?

A:  Spiritual sponge-ability is a whole new way of using your body.

Stay with me: sponges are porous and absorbent.  The spiritual law “giving is receiving” only works if you are also able to receive.

You must be able to sponge in God’s Love if you want a loving life.  Ask yourself:

  • Is your heart porous, in the sense that you’re able to receive and accept love?
  • Are your lungs porous? Are you able to inhale and exhale fully, enjoying the sensuality of your breath?
  • Are your muscles and interconnective tissue porous?  Can you feel energy humming and tingling through your torso?
  • Is your brain porous?  Is possible for you to allow your eyes to soften and melt back into your head, releasing your brain to float softly within your skull?

A Course in Miracles tells us, “…all sickness is mental illness….”*  So it is the mind which must be healed.  However, while you believe you are the body, Jesus advises that you ask the Holy Spirit to use the body for Her** divine purpose. This choice is crucial to your happiness, peace of mind, and ongoing sense of well being.

Up until now, you have probably been experiencing your body as flesh and blood — dense, contracted, possibly pain-riddled, and almost always not looking as good as you would like. You physically experience guilty feelings, heartache and body tension (often in the form of headaches and upper body pain such as TMJ, neck and shoulder tension, etc).

Probably no one has told you what the body feels like when it is free of excess tension, and is a free-flowing extension of God’s Will.  What does this mean?  When you allow the Holy Spirit to use the body for Her purpose you become a conduit for miracles. In other words, your body is experienced as an energetic transmitter of Loving Light.  God’s wisdom (you could say “good vibrations” or “energy”) runs through your body using it like a clear instrument. Your body becomes a hollow flute for God to play with His Fingers.

If you are sponge-able, you allow yourself to receive God’s formless, timeless Love, and then you effortlessly give that Love through your natural radiance.

If you are not sponge-able, you can give, give, give to the people around you and it’s still ego-driven. Giving without sponge-ability (the ability to receive) is just another form of ego control.

Sponge-ability connects your will with God’s Will.  You are illuminated with His Great Light, absorbing and squeezing out (to stick with our sponge metaphor) the radiant Great Rays that Great Light creates.

*ACIM supplement: Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice.

**I’m using the Divine Feminine to refer to the Holy Spirit, as modeled in the Hebrew version of ACIM (read Shekinah, Divine Feminine and the Holy Spirit).

Check out my series: How to Use the Body While You Think It’s You and http://facebook.com/acimbodyimage

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Ask Amy: I Don’t Want to Reincarnate

Q: I think it’s likely that I will reincarnate because I have a lot of baggage and don’t see it getting all sorted out in this lifetime. Can you help me deal with the fear I have that I will reincarnate? I don’t want to come back here again, it’s been so painful and difficult.

A: There’s a parable called, “How Many Lifetimes Will It Take?”

Briefly paraphrased, in reply to a veteran meditator’s question as to how many lifetimes he has left before Enlightenment, God shows him a tree with three leaves on it. The man is terribly distressed that he has three more lives to go.

A new meditator, overhearing this, asks God how many lives she has left. God points to a tree with thousands of leaves on it. She runs up to the tree singing, “Thank you, God! Thank you, God!” As she dances round the tree, the leaves start falling from the branches until there are none left. She reaches Enlightenment then and there.

Clearly, her faith and gratitude are immensely powerful. But how to access faith and gratitude when feeling burdened, perhaps to the point of despair?

First, you may be comforted that A Course in Miracles says this about reincarnation, “There is no past or future, and the idea of birth into a body has no meaning either once or many times.” Therefore, “In the ultimate sense, reincarnation is impossible.” (M-24)

But even if the above statement offers you relief from the fear of returning to a future miserable human existence, it is not a solution, right? Because you’re still saddled with all the baggage that is too much to sort out in this lifetime. Jesus calls this our “personal repertory of horrors.” (W-14)

Guilt holds the ego in place like cement until we entertain the possibility that we can forgive and be forgiven. The way out of suffering is to investigate your suffering with Spirit. Being Witnessed compassionately is the antidote for fear, which thrives in secret.

As Sri Mooji says, “Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you. It will only burn what you are not.”

Second, sometimes anger can be redirected as a positive tool for overcoming fear. Rather than feeling hostile towards others, or beating yourself up, point the fire energy of anger at fear. You will gain some distance and detachment from fear; you will learn to tolerate feeling fear and yet carry on.

Best of all, you will assign new meaning to fear: it can be used as an alarm clock, alerting you each time you choose ego, and inviting you to choose again. Look within. Ask for Help. Listen, even briefly, for Guidance. Notice what happens. Read Physicians’ Untold Stories by Scott J. Kolbaba, MD to help you recognize the signs and signals you are being given.

Third, read and practice Lesson 14 in the ACIM Workbook.

Fourth, read Chapter 15, The Holy Instant, where Jesus acknowledges, “How bleak and despairing is the ego’s use of time! And how terrifying!” (T-15.I.6:1-2) and gives us an alternative:

“Begin to practice the Holy Spirit’s use of time as a teaching aid to happiness and peace. Take this very instant, now, and think of it as all there is of time. Nothing can reach you here out of the past, and it is here that you are completed absolved, completely free and wholly without condemnation. From this holy instant wherein holiness was born again you will go forth in time without fear….”

Follow these four steps and experience your faith strengthening, your gratitude increasing, and all dread dissolving in the light of Truth.

 

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How to Deflate an Extra-Strength Ego

Do you ever feel like you have an extra-strength ego? Let’s stick a pin in it!

Lots of people tell me that their ego is particularly strong and I have to laugh.  Let’s not give “your” ego that much credit — there is only one fear-based, guilt-inducing, headstrong ego.  Don’t worry, it is only your unconscious choice to believe in the ego that has made it seem so strong and unique to you.  But luckily, even extra-strength ego is a dream aspect of the Real You and You are actually the boss of it 🙂

The Real You is Spirit.  The ego “you” is a figment of Spirit’s imagination. Ego plays this game in which You forget what you truly are.  Until you realize this, you fully believe you are a person, and the world and the people in it seem very important.

Once you begin to grasp that you are not a person, your ego may very well kick up a fuss, impelling you to think, “My ego is particularly strong!”  Ego is an immensely powerful force when believed in, but it is also, as ACIM puts it, a “quaint absurdity” (W-156) when seen through.

Your life is best spent awakening from the ego fog of forgetfulness and discovering you are peaceful, joyous, loving, formless, timeless God Mind, as you’ve always been. The one ego mind, which has fragmented into shapes and forms called people, animals, vegetables, minerals, etc., is actually like a multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia combined: it is splitting into many personas, talking to itself and seeing what is not there (hallucinating).

Ego is not your true nature; it is an acquired taste. So, don’t take what seems to be “your” ego personally, because we are all just shapes and forms of the same ego. Visualize one ego thought of separation being blown, like air, into billions of balloons and you get the human population. Put a pin in it and extra-strength ego deflates instantly.

Extra-strength ego is just a more heavily armored “balloon” — thicker rubber, you might say.  When you attack another or yourself, you are just denying the Truth: that Unified Spiritual You is Perfect. When you are willing to see the good in your brother, his “body grows decreasingly persistent in your sight, and will at length be seen as little more than just a shadow circling round the good.” (T-31.VII.3:3)

As you lose your taste for extra-strength ego, you gain a taste for forgiveness.  Forgiveness is a well-lit path Home with a Constant Companion Who is well worth following.  This is Who Jesus followed, and you can too.  At first, it can seem difficult to discern the voice of the ego from the Voice for God, but with a little practice, the “irresistible attraction of love for love” (paraphrasing T-12.VIII) takes over (click here to read about the Irresistible Attraction of Love for Love).

For 33 specific, potent, and absolutely free tips to deflate the ego, click here.

 

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Receiving Is Giving

It used to be easier for me to give than to receive. There were rewards for giving. People were happy when I gave them what they wanted–be it a cup of tea, a comforting hug, a pep talk, some sympathy, money, loaning my car, etc. And I felt needed, useful.

However, after studying A Course in Miracles for a while (along with 12-step work and psychotherapy), I began to realize that giving on human terms was supporting conditional love rather than unconditional love. It was also enabling me to maintain control rather than developing faith in relying on my Inner Teacher.

“The bringer of miracles has need that you receive them first, and thus become the joyous giver of what you have received.” W-192

In the above quote, the “bringer of miracles” refers to the Holy Spirit, your Inner Teacher. Miracle principle #5, at the very beginning of the Text, states that miracles “should be involuntary. They should not be under conscious control.”  This is because miracles are being channeled through you by the Holy Spirit when you open to His joyous guidance.

As long as you select and direct who you love, who you are nice to, who you are generous with, who you pray for and what kind of healing you want, you are allowing the ego to play god instead of relaxing into God’s plan for salvation. God’s plan is communicated to you and through you when you allow yourself to receive the Love, Peace and Joy which is your true nature by opening as a clear conduit for miracles.

You cannot do this if you are constantly giving.  Constant giving is controlling and lacks humility.  It is busy egoic action and ultimately remains divisive and limiting.  You must open to receive what the Holy Spirit has to give you with no agenda whatsoever.  This is the path to an ongoing flow of miracles.  And remember, miracles are not for human gratification.  The purpose of miracles is to remind you of Who you really are–Spirit.

Listen to Corinne Zupko interview me on “Receiving Is Giving” (scroll down to the bottom right side for the 2014, 2015, 2016 Conference Bundle).

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Other Thanksgiving essays: Is Thanksgiving Necessary?, Giving Thanks to You, Giving Thanks and Admitting I Felt Ungrateful Released Me

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