Unlearning Classroom – Page 47 – A Course in Miracles with Amy Torres

FINAL LESSONS

Posted on December 27, 2015

Introduction

Our final lessons will be left as free of words as possible. We use them but at the beginning of our practicing, and only to remind us that we seek to go beyond them. Let us turn to Him Who leads the way and makes our footsteps sure. To Him we leave these lessons, as to Him we give our lives henceforth. For we would not return again to the belief in sin that made the world seem ugly and unsafe, attacking and destroying, dangerous in all its ways, and treacherous beyond the hope of trust and the escape from pain.

His is the only way to find the peace that God has given us. It is His way that everyone must travel in the end, because it is this ending God Himself appointed. In the dream of time it seems to be far off. And yet, in truth, it is already here; already serving us as gracious guidance in the way to go. Let us together follow in the way that truth points out to us. And let us be the leaders of our many brothers who are seeking for the way, but find it not.

And to this purpose let us dedicate our minds, directing all our thoughts to serve the function of salvation. Unto us the aim is given to forgive the world. It is the goal that God has given us. It is His ending to the dream we seek, and not our own. For all that we forgive we will not fail to recognize as part of God Himself. And thus His memory is given back, completely and complete.

It is our function to remember Him on earth, as it is given us to be His Own completion in reality. So let us not forget our goal is shared, for it is that remembrance which contains the memory of God, and points the way to Him and to the Heaven of His peace. And shall we not forgive our brother, who can offer this to us? He is the way, the truth and life that shows the way to us. In him resides salvation, offered us through our forgiveness, given unto him.

We will not end this year without the gift our Father promised to His holy Son. We are forgiven now. And we are saved from all the wrath we thought belonged to God, and found it was a dream. We are restored to sanity, in which we understand that anger is insane, attack is mad, and vengeance merely foolish fantasy. We have been saved from wrath because we learned we were mistaken. Nothing more than that. And is a father angry at his son because he failed to understand the truth?

We come in honesty to God and say we did not understand, and ask Him to help us to learn His lessons, through the Voice of His Own Teacher. Would He hurt His Son? Or would He rush to answer him, and say, “This is My Son, and all I have is his”? Be certain He will answer thus, for these are His Own words to you. And more than that can no one ever have, for in these words is all there is, and all that there will be throughout all time and in eternity.

LESSONS 361 – 365

This holy instant do I give to You.
Be You in charge. For I would follow You,
Certain that Your direction gives me peace.

And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. If I need a thought, that will He also give. And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. He is in charge by my request. And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

14. What Am I?

Posted on December 17, 2015

in Today's ACIM Lesson

by Amy Torres

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

In Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Am I?” is the fourteenth and final instruction and goes with Lessons 351 – 360.

14. What Am I?

I am God’s Son, complete and healed and whole, shining in the reflection of His Love. In me is His creation sanctified and guaranteed eternal life. In me is love perfected, fear impossible, and joy established without opposite. I am the holy home of God Himself. I am the Heaven where His Love resides. I am His holy Sinlessness Itself, for in my purity abides His Own.

Our use for words is almost over now. Yet in the final days of this one year we gave to God together, you and I, we found a single purpose that we shared. And thus you joined with me, so what I am are you as well. The truth of what we are is not for words to speak of nor describe. Yet we can realize our function here, and words can speak of this and teach it, too, if we exemplify the words in us.

We are the bringers of salvation. We accept our part as saviors of the world, which through our joint forgiveness is redeemed. And this, our gift, is therefore given us. We look on everyone as brother, and perceive all things as kindly and as good. We do not seek a function that is past the gate of Heaven. Knowledge will return when we have done our part. We are concerned only with giving welcome to the truth.

Ours are the eyes through which Christ’s vision sees a world redeemed from every thought of sin. Ours are the ears that hear the Voice for God proclaim the world as sinless. Ours the minds that join together as we bless the world. And from the oneness that we have attained we call to all our brothers, asking them to share our peace and consummate our joy.

We are the holy messengers of God who speak for Him, and carrying His Word to everyone whom He has sent to us, we learn that it is written on our hearts. And thus our minds are changed about the aim for which we came, and which we seek to serve. We bring glad tidings to the Son of God, who thought he suffered. Now is he redeemed. And as he sees the gate of Heaven stand open before him, he will enter in and disappear into the Heart of God.

Remember, in Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Am I?” is the fourteenth and final instruction and goes with Lessons 351 – 360.

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

13. What Is a Miracle?

Posted on December 7, 2015

in Today's ACIM Lesson

by Amy Torres

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

In Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is a Miracle?” is the thirteenth instruction and goes with Lessons 341 – 350.

13. What Is a Miracle?

A miracle is a correction. It does not create, nor really change at all. It merely looks on devastation, and reminds the mind that what it sees is false. It undoes error, but does not attempt to go beyond perception, nor exceed the function of forgiveness. Thus it stays within time’s limits. Yet it paves the way for the return of timelessness and love’s awakening, for fear must slip away under the gentle remedy it brings.

A miracle contains the gift of grace, for it is given and received as one. And thus it illustrates the law of truth the world does not obey, because it fails entirely to understand its ways. A miracle inverts perception which was upside down before, and thus it ends the strange distortions that were manifest. Now is perception open to the truth. Now is forgiveness seen as justified.

Forgiveness is the home of miracles. The eyes of Christ deliver them to all they look upon in mercy and in love. Perception stands corrected in His sight, and what was meant to curse has come to bless. Each lily of forgiveness offers all the world the silent miracle of love. And each is laid before the Word of God, upon the universal altar to Creator and creation in the light of perfect purity and endless joy.

The miracle is taken first on faith, because to ask for it implies the mind has been made ready to conceive of what it cannot see and does not understand. Yet faith will bring its witnesses to show that what it rested on is really there. And thus the miracle will justify your faith in it, and show it rested on a world more real than what you saw before; a world redeemed from what you thought was there.

Miracles fall like drops of healing rain from Heaven on a dry and dusty world, where starved and thirsty creatures come to die. Now they have water. Now the world is green. And everywhere the signs of life spring up, to show that what is born can never die, for what has life has immortality.

Remember, in Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is a Miracle?” is the thirteenth instruction and goes with Lessons 341 – 350.

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

12. What Is the Ego?

Posted on November 26, 2015

in Today's ACIM Lesson

by Amy Torres

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

In Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is the Ego?” is the twelfth instruction and goes with Lessons 331 – 340.

12. What Is the Ego?

The ego is idolatry, the sign of limited and separated self, born in a body, doomed to suffer and to end its life in death. It is the “will” that sees the Will of God as enemy, and takes a form in which it is denied. The ego is the “proof” that strength is weak and love is fearful, life is really death, and what opposes God alone is true.

The ego is insane. In fear it stands beyond the Everywhere, apart from All, in separation from the Infinite. In its insanity it thinks it has become a victor over God Himself. And in its terrible autonomy, it “sees” the Will of God has been destroyed. It dreams of punishment, and trembles at the figures in its dreams, its enemies, who seek to murder it before it can ensure its safety by attacking them.

The Son of God is egoless. What can he know of madness and the death of God, when he abides in Him? What can he know of sorrow and of suffering, when he lives in eternal joy? What can he know of fear and punishment, of sin and guilt, of hatred and attack, when all there is surrounding him is everlasting peace, forever conflict-free and undisturbed, in deepest silence and tranquility?

To know reality is not to see the ego and its thoughts, its works, its acts, its laws and its beliefs, its dreams, its hopes, its plans for its salvation, and the cost belief in it entails. In suffering, the price for faith in it is so immense that crucifixion of the Son of God is offered daily at its darkened shrine, and blood must flow before the altar where its sickly followers prepare to die.

Yet will one lily of forgiveness change the darkness into light; the altar to illusions to the shrine of Life Itself. And peace will be restored forever to the holy minds which God created as His Son, His dwelling place, His joy, His love, completely His, completely one with Him.

Remember, in Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is the Ego?” is the twelfth instruction and goes with Lessons 331 – 340.

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Mooji: Thunderbolts of Truth and Blessings to ACIM Students

Posted on November 21, 2015

in Non-duality, Thoughts on A Course in Miracles, Undoing the Ego, Unlearning Classroom

by Amy Torres

“At a certain stage it will stop seeming auspicious to be a person. It’s a kind of grace that few will appreciate.” ~Mooji

On a rainy Saturday in October, with a feeling of baptism in the air, Mooji met with me in the breathtaking Ramakrishna Yurt which is perched on the edge of a precipice and has a view that silences the ego mind instantly.

Sri Mooji is a true Master, the living Christ, and points to the simple truth that you are, also. If you desire the deepest Truth, this video is for you. Mooji and I speak about Course concepts and his insights reverberate like thunderbolts! See for yourself.

You may also enjoy the conversation Bill Free and I had on his new internet radio show, Pure Presence. If you missed it live, here’s the link: https://www.unity.fm/episode/PurePresence_100215

11. What Is Creation?

Posted on November 17, 2015

in Today's ACIM Lesson

by Amy Torres

Commentary (full lesson beneath commentary)

In Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is Creation?” is the eleventh instruction and goes with Lessons 321 – 330.

11. What Is Creation?

Creation is the sum of all God’s Thoughts, in number infinite, and everywhere without all limit. Only love creates, and only like itself. There was no time when all that it created was not there. Nor will there be a time when anything that it created suffers any loss. Forever and forever are God’s Thoughts exactly as they were and as they are, unchanged through time and after time is done.

God’s Thoughts are given all the power that their own Creator has. For He would add to love by its extension. Thus His Son shares in creation, and must therefore share in power to create. What God has willed to be forever One will still be One when time is over; and will not be changed throughout the course of time, remaining as it was before the thought of time began.

Creation is the opposite of all illusions, for creation is the truth. Creation is the holy Son of God, for in creation is His Will complete in every aspect, making every part container of the whole. Its oneness is forever guaranteed inviolate; forever held within His holy Will, beyond all possibility of harm, of separation, imperfection and of any spot upon its sinlessness.

We are creation; we the Sons of God. We seem to be discrete, and unaware of our eternal unity with Him. Yet back of all our doubts, past all our fears, there still is certainty. For love remains with all its Thoughts, its sureness being theirs. God’s memory is in our holy minds, which know their oneness and their unity with their Creator. Let our function be only to let this memory return, only to let God’s Will be done on earth, only to be restored to sanity, and to be but as God created us.

Our Father calls to us. We hear His Voice, and we forgive creation in the Name of its Creator, Holiness Itself, Whose Holiness His Own creation shares; Whose Holiness is still a part of us.

Remember, in Part II of the Workbook, every 10 lessons we are given an instruction. It comes in the form of a question. There are 14 of these questions all together, and each one of them corresponds to a set of 10 lessons, and is to be read every day for the next 10 days along with our lesson for the day. “What Is Creation?” is the eleventh instruction and goes with Lessons 321 – 330.

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Six Recommendations Straight from the Holy Spirit

Posted on November 5, 2015

in Thoughts on A Course in Miracles, Undoing the Ego, Unlearning Classroom, What is A Course in Miracles?

by Amy Torres

Imagine you are climbing a ladder to Heaven, rung by rung. Each rung gleams more resplendently as you draw nearer and nearer to Heavenly Light. You are open to receiving recommendations straight from the Holy Spirit.

His Light is almost blinding and you realize the Holy Spirit is not shining brighter – you are drawing nearer as His Magnetism becomes irresistible. And when you reach the top you realize there is no individual “you”… Enlightenment!

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) offers a workbook practice to help you reach Enlightenment. The practice reconnects you with your Internal Teacher, the Holy Spirit (HS). This connection changes everything. As you follow Spirit Guidance you are liberated from fear and empowered by Love. But … sticking with this guidance can be tricky, as the ego usually kicks up a fuss as it senses its ultimate demise.

This is why the Holy Spirit offers some very clear recommendations so you can stay on-track. As you stick with Spirit, you develop more focus, faith and trust in your own experience which then strengthens your connection to the Truth which is already in your mind. Here are six basic recommendations from the Holy Spirit as given by Jesus in ACIM:

Six Recommendations Straight from the Holy Spirit

★ Develop the good habit of practicing your workbook lesson as close to awakening, and going to sleep, as possible.

★ There is also a purification process involved, so it’s natural to experience unpleasant side effects at times. But remember, when swimming pools are disinfected, first the muddy, murky sludge that has gathered at the bottom is churned up to the surface. Only after the filter has been going for a while does the water become clear. In the same way, you are cleansed and purified through the workbook practice. After a while, fear and darkness dissolve, and all that remains is the loving light You Really Are.

★ All the workbook lessons should be done in an unhurried manner. A comfortable sense of leisure is essential. With our busy lives, this often seems impossible. But if you ask the Holy Spirit to help you find the time, HS will give you that miracle. After all, we’re told at the very beginning of the ACIM Text, in the 50 miracle principles, that miracles collapse time. Miracles are nothing if not practical!

★ As you practice the idea for the day, use it totally indiscriminately. Do not attempt to apply it to everything you see, for these exercises should not become ritualistic. Only be sure that nothing you see is specifically excluded. One thing is like another as far as the application of the idea is concerned. This is important because it impresses on the mind the first miracle principle: “There is no order of difficulty in miracles.” When this becomes real to us, there is nothing else to do but naturally and effortlessly spend our lives extending miracles.

★ “The curriculum is highly individualized, and all aspects are under the Holy Spirit’s particular care and guidance.” ACIM, M-29. Isn’t it comforting and inspiring to know that the Holy Spirit is working with you individually?*

★ Open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance and feel His power surging Life and Love into you. Doing the workbook practice is like plugging in your cell phone – a powerful energy is charging you up! And there will be signs to boost your confidence along the way.

* There will come a day when you realize that you were working with the Holy Spirit, not HS with you. HS helps you awaken to Reality, not dream a better dream. When you choose the Holy Spirit’s guidance, you are choosing against illusions and enlightenment is recognized as always here, always true. “The Holy Spirit must work through you to teach you He is in you. This is an intermediary step towards the knowledge that you are in God because you are part of Him.” (T-7.IV.2:1-2)

For a long time, it seems as if your path is your own – very personal and filled with unique experiences. It is your particular set of experiences, relationships and understandings. This is because first you must become your self, and that readies you to realize your Self. “A tiny moment of surprise, perhaps, will make you pause before you realize the world you see before you in the light reflects the truth you knew, and did not quite forget in wandering away in dreams.” (W-131: No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.)

Now, after taking in these six recommendations straight from the Holy Spirit, try it again: Imagine you are climbing a ladder to Heaven, rung by rung. Each rung gleams more resplendently as you draw nearer and nearer to Heavenly Light. The Holy Spirit is not shining brighter – you are drawing nearer. And when you reach the top you realize there is no individual “you”… Enlightenment!

* * * * *

Workin’ the Workbook (WtW) is an online class that helps structure, clarify and support your Course in Miracles Workbook practice. WtW also helps you persevere and stick with all 365 lessons. Many people quit before completing the Workbook and don’t get to experience the rewards of choosing the Holy Spirit rather than the ego.

You can begin at any lesson — start with Lesson 1 or resume where you left off. The price is $37 a month (just a bit more than a dollar a day) and no one is turned away due to lack of funds (email me at [email protected] to ask about scholarships).

Let’s practice together! Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.

Ask Amy: Tears of Joy

Posted on October 31, 2015

in Ask Amy, Thoughts on A Course in Miracles, Undoing the Ego, Unlearning Classroom

by Amy Torres

Guy Question Q: I don’t know if my heart is being touched by God or if I am going nuts. I cry all through the day. There is no sadness, just a deep compassion and love present. This has been going on for a while now. I read A Course in Miracles and I cry. I hear beautiful words in my head that do not seem to be my own and I cry. I feel drawn to sit out in nature and see beauty all around me and I cry. What is going on with me?

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA A: The ego loves to say, “I don’t know” and “what if I am going nuts” to keep you endlessly distracted from, as you so nicely put it, your heart being touched by God. In ACIM, Jesus tells us in no uncertain terms, “The ego is insane.” (W-pII.12.2:1) and assures us, “The Holy Spirit will restore your sanity because insanity is not the will of God.” (T-13.XI.7:4)

Within your question is the answer to your question. Here are the telltale signs that you are having the best kind of meltdown:

* There is no sadness. Tears without sadness are joyful tears of awakening. The ACIM Text informs us, “There is no sadness where a miracle has come to heal.” (T-27.V.4:1)

* There is deep compassion and love present (holy qualities of your true Self). “In your heart the Heart of God is laid. He holds you dear, because you are Himself.” (W-197)

* There is constancy (you say, “this has been going on for a while”) rather than egoic roller coaster emotions or debilitating mood swings. God’s Mind is Changeless.

* You are moved by beauty and seeing beauty in everything. “This loveliness is not a fantasy. It is the real world, bright and clean and new, with everything sparkling under the open sun.” (T-17.II.2:1-2)

* You are recognizing your inner wisdom (as you read A Course in Miracles). “This course removes all doubts which you have interposed between Him and your certainty of Him.” (W-165)

* You are receiving beautiful words that do not seem to be your own. “Only God’s holy children are worthy channels of His beautiful joy, because only they are beautiful enough to hold it by sharing it.” (T-5.Intro)

Chronic crying without relief or resolution is very different than what you are describing. In your case, it sounds like you are open enough at this point in your spiritual unfolding to experience tears of joy.

Spiritually, tears of joy are a spontaneous recognition of your true Self. You are literally overflowing with love, compassion, and appreciation. These tears are Grace moving through you, purifying you, uplifting you, and confirming your true Nature. Not only is your heart being touched by God, you are discovering you are within the Heart of God.

This joyful crying is still an experience – a phase in your awakening. You do not have to wonder how long it will last, or try to recapture it if it ceases. Spiritual experiences are markers on the path, not a goal in and of themselves. You are well on your way to full awakening and God is in charge now.

For those of you who would like to be guided into this “tears of joy” state of Mind, Lessons 261 – 270 offer this experience.

This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the Sept-Oct 2015 issue of Miracles magazine. Miracles is a well-loved staple in the ACIM community. For a subscription, email [email protected] or call 845-496-9089. To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com

Reasons to Keep Faith Even If You Don’t Hear God

Posted on September 26, 2015

in Awakening, Prayer, Undoing the Ego, Unlearning Classroom

by Amy Torres

The reason people get terribly discouraged when they pray and don’t hear God is because it seems as if God is not answering them. In order to keep faith, we have to open our minds to the idea that just because we believe “God doesn’t care about me” or “God doesn’t exist” doesn’t mean it’s true.

Here are five reasons to keep faith even though, right now, you think you can’t hear God:

1. God hears you even if you don’t hear Him.

In How You Can Talk With God, Paramahansa Yogananda tells us, “The trouble is not with Him, but with us. Our intuitive telephonic system is out of order. God is calling us and speaking to us, but we do not hear Him.” Even if you are convinced that God has not heard you because you specifically asked, and even begged, for something and did not get it, all that proves is that you were directing God to do what you thought best — rather than asking God for His guidance. We have to remain open to the possibility that what we think is best is not necessarily so. Our solutions may not be the Answer. Extend a little willingness to trust that God has heard you, even if you haven’t heard His reply – yet.

2. You have your fingers in your ears.

We don’t realize that we are deliberately plugging up our hearing, which, of course, interferes with receiving God’s messages to us. In order to hear God, whose call is there for us continuously, all day and all night long, we need to open ourselves to Him by releasing our desires, longings, and demands. The way to do this is to give everything to God. When we give God our desires, our wishes, our fears and sorrows, our resentments and jealousies, we are releasing blockages which clear our “ears” and makes it possible to “hear” Him.

3. Your eyes are closed.

A Course in Miracles tells us, “You believe that what your physical eyes cannot see does not exist. This leads to a denial of spiritual sight.” Many spiritual paths speak of a third eye. Located in the space between the eyebrows is the sixth chakra, the energy center of enlightened vision, which brings the body’s eyes together into one single eye — a spiritual eye which gives us God’s Vision. God speaks to us with symbols. It may be an inner voice, or visions, or a coincidence which is more than coincidence. Open your mind and ears and eyes will start to reveal Him to you. You can google “spiritual eye meditation” to find a specific exercise to help you open your spiritual eye.

4. You are asleep.

In the bible, the Adam and Eve story tells us that Adam fell into a deep sleep, but nowhere does it say that he awoke from this sleep. Again, more than one spiritual path tells us that this world is a dream or an illusion. A common reason that we think we can’t hear God is that we are in a deep, hypnotic sleep, utterly convinced that our dream is reality, when actually God is a reality beyond our human comprehension.

A compelling paragraph from A Course in Miracles states, “You are at home in God, dreaming of exile but perfectly capable of awakening to reality. Is it your decision to do so? You recognize from your own experience that what you see in dreams you think is real while you are asleep. Yet the instant you waken you realize that everything that seemed to happen in the dream did not happen at all. You do not think this strange, even though all the laws of what you awaken to were violated while you slept. Is it not possible that you merely shifted from one dream to another, without really waking?”

The question becomes, how can we awaken, and in that awakening hear what God has been whispering in our sleepy ear the entire time? There are many ways. One is to quiet the mind through meditation. Another is to ask God to guide us in His way without setting our own agenda. The main thing is to listen receptively.

5. Your seeds are germinating underground.

God is Love Itself, and you are God’s child. Trust that any time you turn to God that you are developing a relationship with Him. He is aware of you always. You are just learning how to recognize His communication, which comes in many varied forms and symbols. Every time you turn to God you plant a seed of love in the ground. They are germinating. The buds will poke out from the earth and start to rise toward heaven — your seeds will blossom. Let yourself believe this and you will find that God’s Voice was with you all along.

These are five reasons to keep faith even though you can’t hear God in this moment. Open your heart, open your mind, and let God surprise you. When we think too much we block our ability to receive God’s Thoughts. Try to relax, be it meditating, cleaning the house, fishing, or taking a bath – something calming that takes you out of your worried thoughts, and chances are better that God will reveal Himself in the very moment you least expect it.

You may also enjoy Five Steps to Cultivating Your Relationship with the Holy Spirit. If you would like coaching to help you tune in to God, I am available for spiritual guidance. Just email [email protected]

Wouldn’t You Rather Make Love?

Posted on September 26, 2015

in Today's ACIM Lesson

by Amy Torres

Making love starts in the mind. It is what we’re thinking that turns us on or off. Making love can be using the body sexually to express love, tenderness, and pleasure. Making love can be purely sensual, e.g., giving your partner a massage or a bath that is fragrant with essential oils. Making love can be sharing companionship — doing things together. Most of all, making love is letting our partner know that we see the best in him or her, that we genuinely like who they are, that they inspire us. Love is generous, non-judgmental, appreciative, and brings us closer.

Arguing is oppositional. Arguing is about one person being right and the other wrong. It is about justifying our point of view and making a point. The well-known spiritual book A Course in Miracles asks, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Arguing is about getting our way, being opinionated, judgmental, and divisive. Arguing incites angry feelings, hostility, and can result in low self-esteem. Some people say, “We’re not arguing. We’re having a discussion!” or “We’re having a good debate,” but debate is a form of verbal warfare, and discussions with winners and losers are arguments!

It’s okay to feel excited and passionate about what you believe as long as you don’t force your beliefs on another. It’s okay to have varying levels of volume in a conversation as long as your partner doesn’t feel bullied or trapped. And it’s more than okay to have a heated discussion lead to the bedroom — as long as you celebrate your increased understanding, not to sweep an unresolved issue under the rug.

Love is unifying. We can disagree without being oppositional. We can disagree with respect, empathy, and an interest in getting to know each other better. We can learn to agree to disagree. Understanding each other is more important than agreeing on everything.

One of the most loving things we can do for ourselves and our partner is to identify our own needs. If we can be honest with ourselves about what we need, emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, etc., and learn to express this need without demanding it be met, then we’re onto something that will really transform our relationships.

Many people think that it is unselfish to keep their needs out of their awareness — they may not even know they have certain kinds of needs buried below the surface. This is actually a disservice to themselves and their partners. Your partner doesn’t stand a chance of meeting your needs if you can’t express what they are! And even if you think this is selfless, eventually it will lead to resentments. Making love is choosing to have a conscious relationship — choosing to become more self-aware of our personal agendas.

One aspect of emotional maturity is taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and needs so rather than unconsciously acting them out and testing our partner, we choose to ask for our partner’s help and participation. This draws us closer. Of course, not all our needs can be met by our romantic partner, or perhaps at all. But we always deserve love for how we feel, even if our feelings don’t seem to make sense.

Remember, if you sincerely would rather make love than argue, all you have to do is share your needs rather than prove your point. With a cooperative partner, this will go a long way toward improving your communication, deepening your understanding of each other, and cultivating a more loving relationship.

I’m available for coaching sessions on emotional intelligence and harmonious communication. To set up an appointment, email [email protected]