Ask Amy: How to Maintain Peace of Mind When with Your Mother?

Q:  I love my mother, but she is hard to be around.  Everyone agrees she is very critical and demanding.  How can I apply Course principles to maintain my peace of mind when I am with her?

A:  For so many of us, mothers are our greatest challenge!  Actually, as obvious as it may be to you (and others) that your mother is critical and demanding, it is your interpretation.  “It is always an interpretation that gives rise to negative emotions, regardless of their seeming justification as what appears as facts.” (M-17.4:2)

To apply Course principles to maintaining peace of mind with your mother, you must give your relationship with the Holy Spirit first priority.  This means confiding in Him all the time.  How easily we forget that we are not alone — the Holy Spirit is always within us.

Begin by observing with Him what you are feeling when your mother pushes your buttons.  “You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is merely a veil drawn over intense fury.” (W-21)  Under that fury lies a broken heart — on the worldly level we all want to feel loved by our mothers.  But remember, the memory of God within you predates your mother!

As you get upset with your mother, give every feeling to the Holy Spirit.  Hold nothing back: you might wish she were dead, want to cry like an infant, or tantrum like a two-year-old.  In addition, notice your yearning to love and protect your mother.  We humans are contradictory creatures.  Allowing contradictory feelings is liberating and restores true empathy and innocence.  Inevitably, guilt will come up, but when you observe with the Holy Spirit, He undoes the judgment that leads to guilt.  Be willing to feel all your feelings without guilt.

As you allow your awareness of the Holy Spirit to increase in your mind, you will view what you experienced as criticality and demandingness as a call for Love.  The Holy Spirit will use you to deliver loving miracles.  To paraphrase T-18.VII., you need do nothing, except not to interfere with the Holy Spirit’s communication.  This is the forgiveness practice that leads to inner peace.

Both you and your mother are calling for Love.  By entering into a holy relationship with the Holy Spirit, you transform your special relationship with your mother into a holy encounter.  Expect to be happily surprised by your new responses to her.

To review, put your relationship with the Holy Spirit first; give your feelings to Him; be honest; receive His guidance; and open to experiencing your feelings without guilt.  Peace of mind is your God-given inheritance — who better to practice with than your mother?

This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the Jan-Feb 2014 issue of Miracles magazine.  Miracles is a well-loved  staple in the ACIM community.  To get a subscription, email [email protected] or call 845-496-9089.  To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com