Ask Amy: How to Deal with Abusive Relationships?

Q:  When people in our lives will not stop abusing us, should we continue to try to love them and have our emotions hurt or stepped upon forever, or should we put an end to it?

A:  When A Course in Miracles talks about love, it is a love that has nothing to do with the personal self or the personality of the people around us.  This Love is a recognition of the Inner Light which we all share.  When people in our life are abusive, we need to request guidance from the Holy Spirit.  He will direct us in a loving way.

As you open to guidance from your Internal Teacher (the Holy Spirit), signposts will appear.  This may involve getting help from a psychotherapist, support groups, reading books on healthy relationships, learning new communication skills, or whatever it may be.

Forgiveness, redefined by Jesus in ACIM as recognizing that “what we thought our brother did to us has not occurred,” is the healing tool on which the Course is based.

Jesus tells us to observe the ego vigilantly and uncover its beliefs so that we can free ourselves of victimization (e.g., see the ACIM Workbook, which addresses ego grievances in Lesson 68 – 78, and special relationships in Chapters 15 – 18).  There is more to be revealed from your relationship with this person.  Conversate with the Holy Spirit on a regular basis and miracles must follow.

But remember that you cannot dictate the form the miracle takes.  Miracle principle #3 says, “Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love” and this must be combined with “I need do nothing except not to interfere (with the Holy Spirit’s guidance).”

There is a Sufi quote I love, “The Message is a call to those whose hour has come to awake, and it is a lullaby to those who are still meant to sleep.”  If you are awakening, and interested in your Inner Light, and the abusive person in your life is still meant to sleep and remain in darkness a while longer, that is okay.  Eventually your perception of this person as “abusive” will shift to seeing her as fearful and calling for Love.

You can ask the Holy Spirit to help you see the Light in her, even if she is unaware of that Light.  Being willing to “see” her Light will empower you.  You can do this from a distance, without being in physical or verbal contact with her.

This Q&A appears in the Ask Amy column from the Jan-Feb 2013 issue of Miracles magazine.  Miracles is a well-loved staple in the ACIM community.  To get a subscription, email [email protected] or call 845-496-9089.  To ask Amy a question, email miracles (at) amytorresacim (dot) com