FINAL LESSONS

Introduction

Our final lessons will be  left as free of words as possible.  We use them but at the beginning of our practicing, and only to remind us that we seek to go beyond them.  Let us turn to Him Who leads the way and makes our footsteps sure.  To Him we leave these lessons, as to Him we give our lives henceforth.  For we would not return again to the belief in sin that made the world seem ugly and unsafe, attacking and destroying, dangerous in all its ways, and treacherous beyond the hope of trust and the escape from pain.

His is the only way to find the peace that God has given us. It is His way that everyone must travel in the end, because it is this ending God Himself appointed. In the dream of time it seems to be far off. And yet, in truth, it is already here; already serving us as gracious guidance in the way to go. Let us together follow in the way that truth points out to us. And let us be the leaders of our many brothers who are seeking for the way, but find it not.

And to this purpose let us dedicate our minds, directing all our thoughts to serve the function of salvation. Unto us the aim is given to forgive the world. It is the goal that God has given us. It is His ending to the dream we seek, and not our own. For all that we forgive we will not fail to recognize as part of God Himself. And thus His memory is given back, completely and complete.

It is our function to remember Him on earth, as it is given us to be His Own completion in reality. So let us not forget our goal is shared, for it is that remembrance which contains the memory of God, and points the way to Him and to the Heaven of His peace. And shall we not forgive our brother, who can offer this to us? He is the way, the truth and life that shows the way to us. In him resides salvation, offered us through our forgiveness, given unto him.

We will not end this year without the gift our Father promised to His holy Son. We are forgiven now. And we are saved from all the wrath we thought belonged to God, and found it was a dream. We are restored to sanity, in which we understand that anger is insane, attack is mad, and vengeance merely foolish fantasy. We have been saved from wrath because we learned we were mistaken. Nothing more than that. And is a father angry at his son because he failed to understand the truth?

We come in honesty to God and say we did not understand, and ask Him to help us to learn His lessons, through the Voice of His Own Teacher. Would He hurt His Son? Or would He rush to answer him, and say, “This is My Son, and all I have is his”? Be certain He will answer thus, for these are His Own words to you. And more than that can no one ever have, for in these words is all there is, and all that there will be throughout all time and in eternity.

LESSONS 361 – 365

This holy instant do I give to You.
Be You in charge.  For I would follow You,
Certain that Your direction gives me peace.

And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me.  If I need a thought, that will He also give.  And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him.  He is in charge by my request.  And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.

Let’s practice together!  Click here for more information and to sign-up for Workin’ the Workbook, my online class which supports the ACIM Workbook practice.  

Wouldn’t You Rather Make Love?

Making love starts in the mind. It is what we’re thinking that turns us on or off. Making love can be using the body sexually to express love, tenderness, and pleasure. Making love can be purely sensual, e.g., giving your partner a massage or a bath that is fragrant with essential oils. Making love can be sharing companionship — doing things together. Most of all, making love is letting our partner know that we see the best in him or her, that we genuinely like who they are, that they inspire us. Love is generous, non-judgmental, appreciative, and brings us closer.

Arguing is oppositional. Arguing is about one person being right and the other wrong. It is about justifying our point of view and making a point. The well-known spiritual book A Course in Miracles asks, “Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?” Arguing is about getting our way, being opinionated, judgmental, and divisive. Arguing incites angry feelings, hostility, and can result in low self-esteem. Some people say, “We’re not arguing.  We’re having a discussion!” or “We’re having a good debate,” but debate is a form of verbal warfare, and discussions with winners and losers are arguments!

It’s okay to feel excited and passionate about what you believe as long as you don’t force your beliefs on another. It’s okay to have varying levels of volume in a conversation as long as your partner doesn’t feel bullied or trapped. And it’s more than okay to have a heated discussion lead to the bedroom — as long as you celebrate your increased understanding, not to sweep an unresolved issue under the rug.

Love is unifying. We can disagree without being oppositional. We can disagree with respect, empathy, and an interest in getting to know each other better. We can learn to agree to disagree. Understanding each other is more important than agreeing on everything.

One of the most loving things we can do for ourselves and our partner is to identify our own needs. If we can be honest with ourselves about what we need, emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, etc., and learn to express this need without demanding it be met, then we’re onto something that will really transform our relationships.

Many people think that it is unselfish to keep their needs out of their awareness — they may not even know they have certain kinds of needs buried below the surface. This is actually a disservice to themselves and their partners. Your partner doesn’t stand a chance of meeting your needs if you can’t express what they are! And even if you think this is selfless, eventually it will lead to resentments. Making love is choosing to have a conscious relationship — choosing to become more self-aware of our personal agendas.

One aspect of emotional maturity is taking responsibility for our feelings, thoughts, and needs so rather than unconsciously acting them out and testing our partner, we choose to ask for our partner’s help and participation. This draws us closer. Of course, not all our needs can be met by our romantic partner, or perhaps at all. But we always deserve love for how we feel, even if our feelings don’t seem to make sense.

Remember, if you sincerely would rather make love than argue, all you have to do is share your needs rather than prove your point. With a cooperative partner, this will go a long way toward improving your communication, deepening your understanding of each other, and cultivating a more loving relationship.

I’m available for coaching sessions on emotional intelligence and harmonious communication.  To set up an appointment,  email miracles@amytorresacim.com

The Ability to Resolve Conflict Is Key to Healthy Relationships

Can we agree that everybody disagrees with somebody else at one time or another?  This is inevitable in a dualistic world, but there is a harmonious way to deal with disagreement.

There are ways to communicate which help us resolve conflict, avoid unnecessary arguments and develop harmonious relationships. Most people who use the techniques offered below report improvements, not just in their love life, but in relationships with other family members, co-workers, friends, and complete strangers. In other words, everybody!

The great conflict negotiator, Marshall Rosenberg, shared that when he taught his non-violent communication skills to young children in elementary schools that they picked up the ability to identify their feelings and share them responsibly far more quickly than did their teachers and the school administrators. Although it is generally true that young minds absorb information more easily than when we’re older and more stuck in our ways, there’s always hope if we’re willing to try. On that note, here are three proven tools for improving communication between you and your partner.

1. Self-awareness. Set aside some time to work on gaining more awareness of what’s going on inside of you when you are upset with your partner. For example, if you are frustrated that your partner has agreed to take out the garbage when it’s full, but doesn’t actually do so, you may feel fully justified in being angry. But let’s break it down. It sounds like it’s more about him keeping his word, and participating in the household chores. Underneath your anger, you may feel you can’t trust him to follow through on what he says, and that you have more than your fair share to do around the house-you may feel a lack of partnership. Gaining self-awareness about the deeper issues empowers you and facilitates better communication. Once you clarify what is going on within you, communicate constructively using “I”-talk, that is, using the word “I” and “me” rather than accusing or blaming.

For example, rather than saying, “You never take out the garbage! I’ve had it!” and angrily doing it yourself, you might say, “It would make me happy if you took out the garbage regularly without me reminding you. I could relax and trust that you’ll follow through and it’s a good feeling when you share the chores with me.” Can you feel the difference in the emotional tone?

2. Acknowledgment. It would go a long way at this point if your partner is willing to acknowledge what you have said. This means he remains open, not defensive, and says something simple, like, “I know I haven’t been consistent taking out the garbage.” When we acknowledge what our partner said without defending, this usually has a soothing effect on the one who is upset. It is also empowering to the one “in the wrong” because s/he finds there are ways to communicate without escalating the situation. Neuro-linguistic programming, a powerful approach to interpersonal communication, found that using the same words as the other person help him/her to feel understood. Harville Hendrix uses a similar technique called mirroring in his Imago Relationship Therapy Work.

Mirroring sounds like, “It would make you happy if I took out the garbage regularly without you reminding me. You could relax and trust that I’ll follow through, and you feel good when I share the chores with you.” When we reflect back accurately what the other person has said to us, the person feels understood and respected. This is a powerful tool in de-escalating conflict and re-establishing cooperation.

3. Accountability. Accountability means taking responsibility for our feelings and actions. This, too, takes some self-searching to become more self-aware. So if I’m the one who hasn’t been taking out the garbage, I would find out what’s going on inside myself. Maybe I’ve been busy at work and too tired to do one more thing. Maybe I’ve been fixing things around the house and feel unappreciated. Maybe I’m getting back at you for something else. Maybe I just don’t like taking out the garbage. Whatever it is, I need to clearly know this for myself in order to communicate well.

When you’re working with a partner, it really helps if you both make a sincere effort to understand and cooperate with each other. Make a statement out loud to each other setting your intention to find more peaceful ways of interacting so that you communicate better, have less arguments, and more constructive discussions. If your partner won’t work with you, state an intention to yourself and use the methods below on your own. They will still prove very useful.

Copyright © Amy Torres 2009

The House of Cards Falls When You Are Ready by Sundance Burke

The ego or mind-made false self is a house of cards that collapses completely the very instant it is realized that YOU, the perceiving consciousness, are not an object. The True Self is not difficult to realize, as it merely involves an unbiased looking at what you think and feel you are. In other words, it involves your interest in witnessing the mind’s story of self-identity.

The only real challenge to Self-realization is the issue of your readiness to face the possibility that you will have to let go of every self-concept and self-image that proves to be false by your own investigation. Even coming close to such an inquiry always provides the intuition that you are getting ready to face a great unknown. It is not uncommon to experience the fear of dying in this context. However, the intimation of death is more often related to the ego than the physical body.

So far, you have been attached to and identified with a matrix of concepts, beliefs and images about yourself, others and the world. “I am a human being, a short-lived and insignificant object (body) in a vast and enduring universe of greater things.” We don’t really say this consciously, but it is assumed by the power of our human conditioning. This human idea is called self-knowledge, but is it true? Are you really what you think or perceive? Even to contemplate or be curious about this question is a sign of your readiness for Self-realization.

It’s true, if you have been hanging your hat on mental ideas and images of self and they’re all perceived to be false, then their influence will disappear from your consciousness. However, you will never know whether your notions of self are false or true unless you put them to the test. Here are two powerful ways to test your concept and feeling of self for truth or falsehood.

First, in this moment or any other, look at any idea, image or feeling of self that arises in your awareness and ask yourself: Am I this perception?

This question really is: Am I an idea, perception, image or feeling?

Well, are you such a thing?

If not, why base your Being upon such a flimsy foundation. Nonsense does not require your serious attention. It can be safely and light-heartedly dismissed and even forgotten altogether.

The second way to test the mind is to ignore it completely for a single moment and intuit who you are in the absence of a single thought or assumption.

Check it out. Drop all knowledge and every desire for understanding and just Be.

Can you feel it?

What is the nature of this Being?

This truth cannot be realized, unless you taste what it is to be simply aware and free of all desire for a self-understanding.

If a thought arises like, “Oh, I cannot possibly be free of all thought, even for a moment.” Ignore this thought, surrender the doubt it voices and directly perceive the Being that remains and is deeper as your essence.

Yes, this is high adventure, and while it might appear to involve some risk, it does not. Just as it’s been said, “there is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” However, you cannot know this as Self-truth if fear keeps you from testing it for reality. Just as you cannot know the joy of eating without tasting the food, you must leave the idea of yourself for being.

What will you discover by self-inquiry? You will realize that beyond the mind and the individual body that it claims as self, you are Pure Consciousness, the awareness of all experience. Unknowable as anything of name or form, you are that which knows all experience.

That which you cannot know, cannot be. So, your death cannot be, because it would have to known by you, as life. Truth is not something external to you. Truth is within the Self you are. Let’s face it, as Consciousness, life is all you know now or have ever known. Death is a belief proposed by others and there aren’t any others, except as an idea and sense that is perceived by your conscious Being.

Thought-free awareness is Pure Consciousness. Essentially, this is the Self of all. Just because you can see a reflection of your Being in the mirror of mind doesn’t mean that you are that image.  The mind serves one purpose only: it points to the source from which it arises. Turn away from the mirror and realize the Self directly.

This is the way open to all who are ready.

Peace & Blessings to All, Sundance Burke, author of Free Spirit

http://www.katiedavis.org/FriendsoftheHeart.html